When the mountains speak!

We woke way too early for a Saturday and I scrambled to pack breakfast and a few snacks for our 4.3 mile hike to the top of Blood Mountain. I've been dying to go and was really excited to take just the boys on an adventure. In a very groggy manner we settled into the fun bus and set off for the wilderness. 

I'm thankful that there are so many places to explore within an hour drive of our house. Did I mention the Appalachian trail starts that close to my house? Outdoor activities are endless. The whole drive Azariah continually pointed out the "frosting" that was everywhere. Our first meaningful frost or "southern snow" was beautiful as it topped the outdoor surfaces. When we arrived to the trailhead it was a balmy 31 degrees but we were prepared (thank God for all the cold weather gear we accumulated in Chicago). We bundled up in winter jackets, hats and gloves and hit the trail. 

As with every trail I select I ignored the difficulty rating and thought were "men" so surely it won't be too much for us. It's such an arrogant and prideful thing to think. At the head I briefly glanced at the map and saw that we had to switch trails to get to the summit. Within the first quarter mile we had to cross a 20' creek on few and far between rocks. I realized here Azariah would have to ride on my back in the Ergo (nothing like a 38lb moving object to carry up a 1500'+ ascent). Anderson was fearless and we ventured on and up the trail. 

After about 35 minutes we made the first ridge and were faced with a trail crossing. There were only two labeled; the one we came from and the freedom trail. I remembered the freedom trail going to the summit from the initial map glance so we went that way. Before proceeding Anderson said "dad, I think we're supposed to go this way" to which I replied " no, the freedom trail goes to the top (which it does, for record). 

We continued on along the ridge which provided the most incredible views of the surrounding mountains. By this point, with the lack of foliage and the height we could feel the sun and it was warming up. As our path narrowed we began crossing numerous natural springs, adult size boulders and down trees. It was glorious! Even better was Anderson's attitude and perspective. He moved along with awe all over his face as he asked about the world around him. Thiele had found an old pair of binoculars from my first ever Detroit Pistons game and he wore them as a badge of honor. Every two hundred feet or so he'd gaze through them and point out something from a neighboring mountain. What I loved most was that he always came back to "can you believe God created all of this"? 

There's nothing like seeing faith in your children. It's an encouragement that cannot be explained. We continued on talking about all that he's created and all that we've been given. It was a moment of real life where the insignificant faded out of view. Around this time Azariah wanted back down so I insisted he could if held my hand. Yeah right! But we pressed on and eventually stopped for a snack. I check my phone for the first time and realized we'd been on the train for 1hr 45mins and hiked 3 miles which concerned me. The trail to the summit is only 2 miles and shouldn't have taken this long. We continued to enjoy our snacks and together decided to begin the trek back. Sometimes it's important to remember your own limits. It reminds us that we're not as in control as we claim to be and points to our sustainer. 

The descent was incredible. I'm always amazed at how the change in perspective provides so many differing views. Our favorite was a neighboring mountain with a wall of glistening rock where water was rapidly pouring down. Six miles later we found ourselves back at the car having ascended and descended over 1500' around boulders and creeks. We quickly realized we hadn't used a bathroom in three and half hours and hurried off. 

Although the we never made the summit. Our day was full. The blue ridge and the majesty of wandering through mountainside was enough for us. We each learned something about ourselves and our limits. But not just limits also about our strength and where it comes from. It was a trip I hope my boys remember and one I can't wait to share with their kids. 

Midnight Uno Sessions

Have you had the chance to sit outside a closed door where laughter is erupting through the cracks? Between each giggle I can hear the popping of a childhood favorite, the game of Trouble. As I sit downstairs watching TV and listening to my daughter and her cousin I'm thrilled by the memories they're making. My cousins and I had so many opportunities to bond and I love witnessing my kids do the same. 

Some of my favorite memories are playing Uno around my Aunt Mary's dining room table at 2:00am with my cousins. By that point we had already indulged in pizza, Greek salad, and at least one Starwars movie. Between hands my cousins constantly fought over which New Kid on Block was each of their boyfriends. The weekends were epic! 

As a parent I think one of our biggest desires is to share the things that have been meaningful in our own lives with our kids. To facilitate opportunities to experience the same joys and store up similar memories. It's been so long since those Friday nights but I still remember the conversation, the laughter and most of all the real relationships. I can see our younger selves embracing life and sharing it with those we loved. As an adult we long for these types of interactions but we're so distracted. 

Technology has enhanced so many aspects of our lives. It has revolutionized how we engage but if we're honest it has also set us back. Late night board games have taken a back seat to constant scrolling and nonexistent conversation. So as I listen to the nonstop laughter of my daughter and my niece I pray that we would wise up. That I (and you) would be smart enough to prioritize and daring enough to miss out on our FB news feed. It seems risky but what if I wake up one day and realize that there is a thirty year gap between my last real engagement.

How many potential memories are we missing each day? How are our hearts being altered in a way that doesn't build us up? We were meant to be together. To laugh with someone else and to shake our fists as the other person exclaims "Uno". We were designed for relationships. I'm thankful for my children, who consistently bring me back to things that have long term value. 

Now for the irony of posting this on social media...

No wifi = Blog

Flying through the sky without internet is the perfect time to reflect on the week and process all that's happened. For this reason, I was ok when our flight attendant announced "You're going to have to survive one hour without the internet" (alright I admit there was a moment of sheer panic). 

I'm on my fourth flight of the week but the good news is two of those were vacation flights. Thiele and I had the opportunity to fly away to Southern California Saturday through Wednesday and it was incredible. We arrived in LA Saturday and took our time leisurely strolling down the coast to see our Chicago friends in San Diego. There's nothing quite like sand between your toes, salt water crashing against your legs and mountain views in the distance (I get the SoCal thing now). California dreaming is a real thing (side note: why are all my favorite places so expensive? #goodtaste). I loved having the time alone with Thiele to decompress and talk with less than normal interruption. Traveling with only the baby proved much easier than the day to day with all five (though I definitely wouldn't trade it). 

There's something about vacation that inspires us to dream and dream big. Without the day to day I think we're more honest about what we really want and our hearts confess their truest desires. Not desires to do nothing forever but dreams of what life could be like if we pursued our real passions and how we could grow if we were willing to take a risk. It's easy to keep doing what we've always done and pursuing our dreams is one of the greatest risks so we keep on keeping on. 

Not only is it a calculatable risk to pursue dreams but we live in an age where we can quantify everything. We all have gold stars in developing a risk assessment and can persuade ourselves to never be adventurous. I don't think all of our technology and education has moved us that far forward. It has definitely enhanced our comfort but I fear it limits our fullest potential. It prohibits our willingness to take risk. When we were in the wilderness without access to the internet we were wandering, exploring and forced into a state of adventure. 

One of my favorite parts of the trip was our time in Joshua Tree Nat'l Park (if you haven't been, GO!). It's one of the most bizarre places I've ever been! The stark contrast between the high and low desert are awe inspiring. There are so many things that aren't logical. So many random types of vegetation that are able to survive in the most extreme climate. So many questions come flying out of your soul as you soak it all in. It's healing and inspiring and I believe it stirs up new vision. 

Without the distraction of constant communication (if we can really call it that) we were free to talk and engage in real conversation. We were encouraged to engage. Reveling in the wonder of creation we articulated our deepest desires and I believe we're closer because of the honesty that was drawn out. It was quiet which gave us an opportunity to be still and ponder. And be close to our creator. 

True exploration is riveting and I believe one of the greatest desires of our heart. Time spent wandering through canyons and scaling rock walls brings me great joy but it also reminds me of my deep need for real relationships. There is a sense of purpose and a desire to live a life that has meaning. The chance to see what was previously unseen (by us) gave Thiele and I the chance to connect in a new way. I loved every second of our trip and learning more about my favorite person. 

She is a woman of the most noble character. Her heart is wild and free. She has strength I cannot explain and a desire to serve others that I envy. I love time alone with her because I always have a new level of respect and a deeper love for her. She lives in a way that builds others up. She is fearless in the way she offers love to others and she listens like no one I've ever met. Hearing her heart and finding our shared passions continues to unite us moment after moment. The moments are not all perfect but what's perfection anyway? I think it's just something we've developed to put ourselves above others and distort reality. 

Here I am, trying to store away all the memories we made on our trip. The places we saw, the food we ate (BTW, eat at Mendocino Farms in LA), and more the experiences we had together. A spider as big as our fist came crawling across our path when there was no one else in the same part of the desert (there was screaming! You decide who it was). The time we spent with dear friends walking along the bluffs, overlooking the ocean, and reinvesting in our friendship while catching up on lost time. The dreams we discussed for our family and next steps to move forward. The time we spent marveling at the way the waves faithfully crashed in at our feet. It was a trip to remember and fuel to move us forward. Not only a time to recharge but a time to adjust direction and pursue risk. I'm so thankful for our time to wander together in Southern California.

It's a boy!

It's hard to believe that it's been six months since Adrian became part of our family. I remember the events of the night like it was yesterday. Our whole family was crowded around the TV watching Americas Got Talent and Thiele was having mild contractions. After a few weeks of mild Braxton hicks she was confident this was just another false alarm (even though she was over a week late). By the time the show was ending I could tell tonight was the night (by the fifth time you know). We tucked the kids in bed and I told Thiele she needed to call the midwife. She declined while brushing off the pain. 

I didn't back down this time and insisted she called the midwife. I told her I was going to the store for snacks and if she didn't call I would when I got home. It was 8 o'clock at night when I left for Trader Joes. By the time I got home 20 minutes later the contractions were intense. Thankfully Thiele had called her midwife team and they were on the way. 

Even though we'd had four kids at this point, it was our first home birth experience (which I HIGHLY recommend). The midwife team showed up and labor progressed quickly. By 9:40pm our newest Generous came barreling (literally) into the world. He came with a speed that was unknown up to this point and set a record for the shortest Generous labor, coming in at under two hours. By 1 o'clock in the morning it was just our little family (or big depending on your vantage point) and the midwife team had left. We sat and marveled at the new life that laid in our arms. Even at number five it was a brand new experience. 

My favorite part of being a dad is that no two kids are the same. Within the first seconds of life you can tell they are their own person. A personality begins to emerge and it develops every day after. Six months later I'm so in love with this little man. His smile is infectious and he's so good at bringing us together. I love watching the older kids step up to care for him and the younger kids laugh at his antics. He's added a new layer of awesome to the mix and I can't imagine life without him. 

She wears strength on her sleeve

The only sounds in my living room are that of the dishwasher and the howling winds whipping through the trees outside. All seems quiet, peaceful and in its place. Each of the kids are tucked away in their beds sound asleep and even the dog has nothing to say. I'm amazed that I survived an evening on my own with all of the kids. 

Over the last few weeks I've been traveling so frequently I hardly recognize the feeling of my own bed. It's been exhausting for me personally but tonight I realized, in a tangible way, how exhausting it must have been for Thiele. Day in and day out she has powered through alone and endured the crazy that is life with five kids. 

Within five minutes of her departure the noise level had reached a decibel I can't describe. A chain reaction of screaming set off from one child unto the other as they mourned the departure of mommy dearest. Thankfully my eldest one maintained composure so it wasn't a complete horror scene. 

We quickly scrambled to get dinner done and everyone fed before running out the door to get Alyvia to dance class. After dropping her off I thought it would be easiest to stay out since I'd have to pick her up in two hours. In a moment of pure genius (or insanity) I drove toward Target. Why do I always end up at Target? 

On the drive to the store both of the middle kids fell asleep (the painful result of no naps) so I bribed them to come inside with the offer of dessert (take notes, this is real parenting). In case you don't know those under 12 get a free cookie every day, adding to my genius idea. We headed to the hairspray aisle (for Thiele of course) and they were out. In a momentary rage I decided "I hate Target" and left. With another hour and a half until pick up we went to the library. 

As new residents it was thrilling to get a library card (On a side note, why is that? Do people even check out books anymore?). It started off so well, three kids on foot and Adrian safely in the Ergo. How quickly peace turns to chaos. By checkout time Adrian was screaming and my youngest was running around bookshelves laughing. We (I) slunk out the door with our books in hand and headed back to the dance studio. 

After all the bedtime hoopla of tooth brushing, potty and more crying they are all asleep. I'm exhausted; mentally, physically and emotionally. Knowing my limits I am now enjoying a glass of wine celebrating the incredible strength of my wife. 

When we met we were babies and then we became bigger babies and then we had babies. It has been remarkable to see the strength she had inside come outward and the impact it has had on our family and those she meets. Recalling all that I've experienced in four hours doesn't touch her everyday reality and yet you'd never know. Her strength comes from somewhere else and it's evident. I'm so thankful to wake up next to her everyday. 

Cheers to you Thiele Rachel!

That time I had no depth perception...

After 84+ hours alone with three of my five kids they are ALL still breathing. A moment of true victory in the face of adversity. I've survived my middle children (with the help of my oldest) and I think we had fun...

Thiele took the oldest and youngest boys and jetted off for the big city to surprise one of our besties. I, admitting my limits, enlisted the help of my best friend who graciously flew across the country for the assist. In true Jonathan fashion I packed as much as was humanly possible into our weekend (many would say too much). 

Friday night we grocery shopped, grilled and had a raging bonfire (with Reese smores of course). The kids were hilarious and we laughed a lot which turned out to be a theme for most of the weekend. On Saturday we ventured into our "big city" and hit all the hip hoods. Beltline art viewing, park hopping and of course Jake's ice cream. To top off the weekend we woke up early Sunday for church then hiked the start of the Appalachian trail before calling it a wrap. 

And then today came and the crazy let loose. My bestie had to go and I had to wrangle the three alone. Did I mention I have two of my MIDDLE children (sorry Leah Generous I don't mean offense but...)? It has been a day and the waves of exhaustion keep rolling over all of us. Finally tonight a much needed return to laughter. 

We set out to get Lyvi Lou to dance at 5:45pm with my fourth cup of coffee in hand (yes four! Sorry I'm not sorry). After dropping her off we headed to the park to expel some crazy. In a moment of determination I slammed myself into a slide head first. I was trying desperately to make up for the lousy day we'd all had, trying to impress and get a smile. It smacked the sense right into me and the laughter came flooding back. I'd let my exhaustion keep me from the joy that was right there in front of me, my kiddos. There are so many choices in the day to day and I need to continually choose family. It takes effort but pays the greatest dividends. Thankful for a wake up call before the week gets away from me. 

In other news check out the aftermath...

A lesson in humility!

She holds my heart!

When you've known someone over half your life there are bound to be memories. Stories so plentiful that outsiders can't possibly keep up. I first met Thiele when we were twelve at a family cookie party up north. We were both dorky and shy and mostly dorky but there was immediate interest nonetheless. I remember the next year we sat in a snowbank for quite some time talking and awkwardly waiting for the other to offer a first kiss...

Flash forward to present day and we're celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary (holy smokes)! Yes 9th! If I'm honest it feels like much longer but I think that's just because of how much life we've packed into these last nine years. In 9 years we've moved 11 times, had 5 kids, lived in 3 states, traveled, rested and made so many memories my blog can't possible contain the details. Plus there is all of our history before we were "official". It has been a journey and we've been each other's biggest encourager. I can't imagine how I could've survived the mental trauma of that many moves without the world's best packer. 

Thiele believes in me. Every day I know if everything went off the deep end and failure was all I had, it wouldn't be all I had. Thiele would still be cheering me on, advocating for me and loving me despite my failure. She has always seen the best in me and diligently spoke truth to call me to live out the best I can offer to the world. Beyond her encouragement she offers me constant peace in a land that offers everything but. We're the best of friends!

At just shy of a decade we've endured a lot of "real" life. We've seen dreams come to life and prayers answered but we've also endured deep hurt together and loss but thankfully also forgiveness. We're far from the same people we were last year let alone nine years ago. It doesn't always look like it but I know we're getting better. We're being made new. 

There isn't anyone in the world who knows me the way Thiele does. No one who can see past the show and cut to the heart. I'm so thankful for her love and our constant adventures. I love you so much Thiele Rachel. Forever a T.R.E.E. hugger! 

A patchwork of faithfulness

One of the many reasons I love flying is how it highlights Jesus presence. As soon as the nose of the plane lifts up off the ground everything below rapidly decreases in size and significance. A new vantage point reveals itself from the air and I realize how little I am and how infinite my creator is. In these moments I'm reminded of the truly important facets of life; faith, family, adventure. 

This morning when we reached our cruising altitude I was quickly reminded of the changing seasons. The cabin temperature felt arctic in comparison to the last few trips (which is likely in part to the fact that I'm a southern gentlemen now and my blood is #THIN). Although the temperature kept me from sleeping it reminded me my favorite season was here! I love when the leaves reveal their hidden colors in a period of undeniable transition. Especially this year I find myself relating to the trees and embracing a similar transition. 

We've ventured across the country and found ourselves grasping for our previous norms. While we love to say that change makes us better I think embracing change and trusting what's today is much easier said than done. Nevertheless some of the most rewarding things emerge from the most difficult. In the midst of so many changes it has been unbelievably refreshing to see that his care for us is constant. Recently, we've found a community of followers that have been an absolute encouragement for our hearts. I'm amazed at how he's crafted together a patchwork of relationships for each of us in such a short time. Flying above the clouds and seeing all that he's been thoughtful to create I know his faithfulness is unwavering and his loving pursuit of our hearts unending. 

The last three years have been a long road for our family and often my faith has felt dormant. A distant memory of what I once had lurked and teased. Unwilling to accept the dynamic ebb and flow of our relationship I felt abandoned. I've been too proud to rely on him and wasted time proving I could do everything on my own. Yet in his kindness and love for me he continues to take care of every detail of my life. He provides for us in ways we can't describe and he keeps showing up. In new and old relationships, when I'm outside, and as I float above the clouds I know that he's in it for the long haul and so am I. So reflecting on life I have to admit that there are things I need to let go. 

If you garden (I pretend to), you're aware that fall is the best time to prune back trees and shrubs so that new growth can take place in the spring. I'm hoping to remain humble and respond to the pruning that needs to take place in my own life, trusting that he has promised new life in return and he's faithful to deliver on his promises. 

Sunrise September

Groggy and nestled deep in the comforter, hiding from the crisp cool air streaming in through the window of our bedroom, the first alarm sounds. The beauty of a fall morning is always the internal battle between the warmth of one's bed and the chill of the air. My bed always wins the first round and so I wander between awake and asleep until the snooze times out. 

I love the early mornings, especially in the fall, for the quiet and rest they give to my soul. Time to make coffee and sit outside in a hoodie before the little scampering feet come searching for food. On this morning as I realize another month is half way over I cannot believe the pace at which we're all moving. In the last five years the amount of transition has been daunting and here we are again entering into another shift, another transition, another year. So this morning I've been looking back, considering all the ways we've been cared for and all the potential disasters we've avoided. 

There has been a significant amount of heartbreak and yet we're all still trucking along, TOGETHER! Where I've lacked the courage to lead well, there has been grace and care for our family. In the moments of crisis there has been hope for what's coming and love for the times in between. It has been some of the most challenging years of our lives. We've stumbled, we've bruised each other we've fought. We've encouraged, we've cheered, and we've forgiven. The moment when we realize there's more is a moment when we can continue on in the midst of hurt and there has certainly been hurt. I'm not proud of how I've led our family but I am confident that where I misstep our dad steps in and meets our every need. 

So here I am, in shorts and a hoodie, reclining on the deck drinking coffee and thanking God for holding us together. For fighting on our behalf and loving us so well. He truly cares for us and keeps us. "Humble yourselves therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:6-7. 

Stepping into a new season (sorry Thiele) can be overwhelming but he's giving us courage to press on, to love well and to live with purpose. I don't know what the coming months hold for us but I know he's walking with us and for that I'm so grateful. 

The Stoop

I find myself sleeping on a blow up mattress hovering over the exact spot where he used to cut my hair. Where we used to share secrets and laugh about the little things. Where we spilled out our hearts and planned for the adventures of tomorrow. It was exactly in this spot where we continued to invest in each other week in and week out. We bore our truest selves and our hearts were bound together. In this very place my life was changed and set into motion. He believed in me and through his investment in my life I learned to believe in myself and knew that God was writing an unbelievable story. 

On the stoop outside his place we'd meet and watch the people pass by. I lived only a stones throw down the block so I literally passed by everyday for over a year and more often than not also stopped by. He was one of the first people I'd ever met who acted more in my interest than his own. He cared for me and beyond that for my family. He loved us and he sought to serve us. He was wise beyond his years and a true example of living life as it was intended. 

He always spoke of what life would be like when we went home and how right now, right here, we were learning how to live like we would for all of eternity. Speaking of what life would be like with dad and all the crazy adventures we would have. He didn't have sight only for this moment but for how this moment was drawing us into the eternal. His heart was a deep spring that hinted frequently at the love of our father and the mystical and incredible story he has been weaving throughout the centuries of time. 

Flash forward to this moment and the memories of joy seem painful. There is a sting so severe I cannot describe. I can hear his voice, remember his stories, hear his laugh, see his smile and recall his vulnerable heart but I know I can't be with him. He can't cut my hair in this very spot. He can't laugh with me and we can't swap stories from the day. We won't be together again until I'm called home and that reality is painful to a degree I cannot explain. Having spent the last few years pursuing a long distance friendship where we didn't talk nearly often enough I find myself in complete denial. Waiting anxiously for him to text me or leave me a voicemail and tell me he loves me. I'm desperate to hear his voice, not a recording but an actual conversation. I feel like I can't move on. As if I will be spending every morning anxiously scrolling through pictures, watching videos and reading through old emails. I feel a sadness that is hard to describe. 

Tomorrow my best friend, the one who knows me and loves me, will be celebrated for a life that is truly unparalleled. For a love that cannot be denied and for reminding so many people that their story was part of the biggest redemption story in all the world. He loved like no one I've ever encountered and I'll miss him until the day we're together again. I'm jealous that you're dancing your socks off and no doubt strumming a fancy guitar with our dad while I'm enduring this great loss but it's all the little ways you pointed me toward the big picture that remind me we will be together again and I must press on. I feel like John's description of life after Brent fell. But when we're together again we will laugh, and you can cut my hair, and we can sit together on the stoop and remember what an incredible story Jesus told and he'll be there too and we will laugh and rejoice and our worries will be no more. Thank you for pointing me home Kyle Flanner. You're the truest friend and our dad used you to shape my heart in a way that has caused a ripple effect in my life and so many others. I'm so far from perfect and I mess up seemingly a hundred times a day but I'm part of the greatest redemption story of all time and you taught me that truth. You revealed it to me in the day to day and modeled it in your approach to life. I'm forever grateful for you and will carry the lessons you taught me until we meet again. Until we're together and we can reminisce. I love you my dear friend. 

Morning nostalgia...

In the last few days I've spent more time outside moving than I have in a long time. It's weird when something very familiar becomes distant and then you begin to recondition or relearn how to do it. It's the last year of my twenties so I'm an obnoxious amount of nostalgic and oh what a ride it has been. 

My late teens were so destructive and setup the start of this last decade with hardship. At the time I thought it was the absolute best of times and I wanted it to go on forever. In my careless pursuit of self I indulged in too many things to list and trying to get my pain to subside I went also to food. If you knew me when I was twenty you know how bad that spiraled (go ahead a Facebook my oversized twin). 

Two months into my twentieth year of life I found out my girl friend of the time was expecting and we panicked. It was my biggest fear. How do you possibly know how to step up to something like that? It felt so impossible. Still I knew that there was no turning away from this level of responsibility. Thiele and I pressed in and decided we would let it shape us and let God mold us. 

If you have kids then you know the feeling you get when you first meet them. I can still see the look on Lyvi-Lou's face when she came barreling into our lives in the overnight hours just days before Christmas. She was perfect. You learn what unconditional love is when you have kids because it's not a love you choose. You learn how great Jesus love is for you and it reshapes your perspective. We were nineteen and twenty and we had no idea how this would work out. We came together and little by little we started living our lives differently. 

I experienced a healing I had never known. Alyvia saved me. She turned everything upside down but through her God rescued me from the destruction that was running rampant. Before she was six months we moved to Chicago and began to let our story unfold. I went from marathon eating McDonalds and binge drinking to running a marathon and having babies (lots of babies). 

Every year since I've learned something new but I continue to be amazed by the power of family. Now that the kids are getting older we're getting to experience a different kind of relationship and while it's testing it's incredible too! And so while I was out trying not to let my dad bod run rampant all of these feels came seeping through my heart. It's been an emotionally refreshing morning and it's not even 8am...

Paddle board Yoga

It's been a few days but I can't stop thinking about my first paddle board experience. On Sunday, Thiele and I ventured out with some friends to do paddle board yoga. Yes, paddle board yoga. First, we stopped at a little tiki bar on the lake and ate fried food with beer so clearly we thought everything through. When we arrived at the launch point our instructor asked if we had any water we wanted to bring. Appearing macho we said "water, I don't think we'll need any water". We were on a lake after all...

Our adventure started off as you'd expect, signing waivers and listening to safety instructions, boring! After the lecture finished we had to walk our board out into the lake (like a surfer) then climb aboard and get a bit offshore before standing up. Our course began in the largest open section of Lake Lanier so needless to say there was a touch of chop on the water. Having grown up around water and water sports I thought "ah it's relatively flat". I made it to the standing position proudly and pressed forward. 

I learned quickly that boaters find it quite funny to intentionally create waves for those of us on paddle boards. I did NOT survive the first round of boat waves but instead gracefully flew into the water and shot my board like a torpedo into my wife. Somehow she survived the collision. There was one other fall and then I began to get the feeling of stability. 

At this point we were on our way toward the two mile point where we would stop and do some yoga. Thiele and I are competitive, almost to a fault, so we found ourselves about 100 yards ahead of our pack. It was so good to get some alone time with her on the open water. Whenever we can get into nature alone I feel like it's a cleansing moment for our souls and the lake couldn't have been more inviting. The sun was tapering off into the western sky and the temperature had cooled down. It was just us, our boards, and the instigating boaters. It was perfect. 

After we all reached a little cove around the two mile mark the namaste stuff started to happen. I've done yoga but never on a floating board in the middle of a lake. I must say that everyone needs to experience it at least once in their lives. It's exceptional. There's always a struggle for balance in yoga but it's magnified on water. It's the one kind of yoga where I think laughing is encouraged. At one point I looked up to see my bride in full position but unaware that she had drifted and was about to go under a dock! For reasons such as these I believe laughing is permitted and because laughing also cleanses the soul. We all engaged the best we could in various poses then set back toward the park. 

On the way back I didn't want the trip to end so I slowly started letting myself fall toward the outskirts of the group. Looking in every direction and soaking it all in. It's amazing how quickly the human body can adjust to surroundings and how muscles learn different ways of functioning. When we reached the open water and the chop it didn't faze any of us. We had learned to stay standing even in the wake of speed boats. It was a feeling of victory and reminder of our ability to conquer challenges. Dad spoke to me and gently reminded me of the strength he has given each of us. 

We finally made it back having survived a four mile paddle and yoga! The sun had disappeared below the tree line and the cicadas were singing their tune. Thiele and I cruised home, laughing and recounting our last few hours. It was refreshing, uniting and healing. Another reminder that every day were being made new. 

Taking risks and learning to love adventure!

Yesterday we woke up and rushed around town to drop off Amelia and Azariah before meeting up with the cousins for a day on the open water. In the south school starts a month earlier than what we're accustomed to so we wanted the kids to have a last hoorah before they have to hit the books. After dropping off the littler ones we headed north (25 whole minutes) to set off on an adventure. 

4 adults, 6 kids and the endless possibilities of a pontoon boat. Growing up in Michigan we have the best memories of the water. We've been privileged to explore on the big lake, the bay and all of the smaller inland lakes and tubing is one of our favorite water sports. As we set off through the no wake zone the kids buzzed around the boat with excitement, eagerly anticipating the adventure. We continued out of the no wake zone and into the gorgeous turquoise water of Lake Lanier. 

Once we'd tested the speed of the pontoon we took volunteers for the first tuber. I loved seeing Alyvia's hand shoot up like a rocket as she exclaimed she would love to try it out. It amazes me how fearless the heart of a child is from the beginning. She had never been tubing and yet she was willing, even excited, to put her little life in a tube and hang by a rope off into the deep lake water. Her wish came true and she led the team with the first ride. 

Her smile, before and after her first tubing experience, exclaimed her delight in the opportunity to explore out on her own. You could sense the feeling of accomplishment she had and I knew she learned a valuable lesson. She learned that she has what it takes to take chances and to move regardless of risk. As her dad I hope that we can continue to reaffirm this and that she will press into experiences and relationships that have an element of risk. I also hope that she will learn that in those times she doesn't have to rely on her own strength to get through. I hope she finds that there is someone that would love to step in and walk alongside her on the journey. 

We continued on our wild adventure with tubing and finding our own private island for lunch and exploration. All the kids launched themselves into the deep blue water and swam into the shore to experience what was waiting for them there. They laughed and splashed and dunked. It reminded me of the many fond memories I have with my cousins on the water. All around the Detroit metro area swimming, in what as an adult may be suspect water, with my family. Also tubing around the lake in East Waterboro and hoping not to get duck rash with my Maine family. I can still remember so many of the ridiculous things we did and the special memories we made together. I love that my kids are getting the opportunity to make their own special memories with their cousins. Through exploration in the wild I believe they are learning critical life lessons. They are learning how big creation is and with that how incredibly diverse. They are also learning that they've been invited to explore and that they don't have to fear. Some of the most important learnings have been how to build meaningful relationships, how to resolve conflict, and how to put others desires ahead of their own. 

It was a great day to be on the lake. In every direction it appeared as if the lake was only ours (one of the serious benefits to going on a Monday) and the weather couldn't have been better. Yesterday at the lake was like a gift to me. A little gem I found that I hope to treasure into the future. It was life giving and also sun burn giving. We had a blast!

32 days 16 hours and 14 minutes...

It's official! We've been settled (settling) into our new home for over a month! In some respects it seems like we just arrived (Does unpacking ever end?) and others like we've been here for years. I suppose the latter is the benefit of having lived here once before. It amazes me how the brain stores and recalls information (like the precise location of my favorite bagel place EVERY Sunday) and how quickly it can readjust to surroundings. 

Whenever we first move into a new place, which has happened eleven times since we were married, there are the awkward moments of not being able to locate the appropriate switch to turn on/off lights, continually pulling out the wrong drawer for a spoon, and stubbing your toe on some piece of furniture. Yet here I am just over a month in and I can turn the lights off, I found a spoon (very important since ice cream consumption is serious in the south) and I haven't stubbed my toe in weeks. It feels like familiarity and to me that feels like home. 

Although there have been so many transitions; from biking to work to walking five feet, from the mid 60's to the mid 90's, from constant noise to constant animal noises, and shrimp n grits (go to Milton House). It's been renewing to see God show up in the midst of the chaos and reaffirm us. It hasn't been easy to let go of some of our favorite pieces of city life but we've been reminded of a longer term vision and the place this chapter holds in the grand scheme. A routine is forming. 

One of my favorite times of the day is the early morning as I sneak out onto the deck and watch the sherbet sun peek through the forest behind the house. The birds chirping constantly and the crisp morning air before the heat takes off. It has been the perfect place to find my footing before the day is underway and prepare for the journey ahead. 

Inside Jokes

Last night I asked Alyvia if she wanted to go for a special time away with me and she immediately exclaimed "Yes"! When I told her I wanted to take her for a sunset hike up Sawnee Mountain she then said "Oh, actually I'm going to stay with mom". I'd be lying if I said I completely understood as I really wanted to take her.  With mild disappointment I started to tuck in the rest of the gang one by one. For some of the kids, one in particular, it was a serious fight to keep them in their room and the tantrum was memorable...

After I got them all to sleep I came back downstairs and Alyvia said "Dad, I'm ready to go. Meet me upstairs". A bit frazzled from the bedtime havoc I slowly processed her change of heart, grabbed my belongings and jumped in the car. By this point it was 8:11pm and I knew the sun was due to set at 8:46pm so we raced in our giant rental car to the base of the Sawnee Mountain Preserve. 

Once we arrived we filled our water bottle with haste and set off toward the top. We were moving at a pretty incredible pace for an eight year old, even passing a few couples along the way. When we rounded the last switchback about 600 feet from the cliff I heard someone yelling it's about to set and I glanced at my phone to check the time. It was 8:45pm and I yelled "Alyvia, run we're going to miss it"! We took off and sprinted the last six hundred feet to catch one of the most incredible sunsets I've ever seen. The sun was ruby red against a pink and purple sky and it was quickly slipping over the top of the blue ridge mountains in the background. Within seconds of being at the top it vanished beneath the horizon. We panted at the top and enjoyed the splendor of the painting (I did most of the panting). We had the best conversation about the painter and his undeniable faithfulness to provide day in and day out. We were truly amazed by the variations in the sky and we climbed and descended alongside the steep mountain drop off to catch different vantage points. Alyvia was so mesmerized she wanted to see as much as possible and every direction. 

She was also incredibly fearless walking toward the edge on the boulders and scaling down rock walls to get a different view. I was proud of her sense of adventure but also incredibly nervous as she scooted out to the edge to let her feet dangle whenever possible. At one point she said "Dad, you're kind of acting like a scaredy cat. I'm not going to fall or anything". I smiled back at her and told her I trust her but also insisted that she hold my hand...

I realized the immense value of our time together and how much I would treasure this memory. Once it was almost completely dark and there was only one small group left at the top we decided to start the decent. We wandered the trails playing different games and laughing uncontrollably. She taught me how to play one game called true or false which is apparently the same thing as one truth and a lie. I thought it was a great time to tell stories about me and Thiele that she may not know and be creative in the false responses. It was amazing for me to hear her stories and her sense of creativity and to laugh hysterically while we wandered through the dark without a flashlight. Our eyes adjusted and our hearts were delighted. It was truly a time where inside jokes are made and I'm so thankful for that. 

On the way home we sang songs and laughed some more before we arrived home. I hope that she took as much from our time as I did. I was reminded of the value in relationships, the value of adventure and the restoration that laughter brings. I was reminded that a grand a glorious story is being written and the painter is involved in all the little details. It was a night for the books!

Blank pages

This morning before any of the clan awoke I stumbled out into the kitchen dramatically grasping for the K-cups so I could make some coffee. I had hit the snooze for just long enough that I woke up to the second alarm with a mass amount of disorientation. I must've hit the REM cycle in record time! While my coffee was brewing I grabbed a few things and decided to the spend the morning outside on the deck. 

One of the benefits of moving is you unearth historical treasures from years past that have been buried deep amidst the American collection of things. I noticed that sitting on a shelf was a journal from a specific date I couldn't recall that had been placed as decoration on a bookshelf in our living room. Like an adventurer on an expedition I excitedly took it with me outside. Upon opening the journal I found a story (more a collection of prayers, dreams and hopes) inside from what seems like an eternity ago yet was only actually a few years ago. 

On the pages, week after week, were stories and prayers from my everyday life. Stories of healing and stories of immense pain, joy and peace. Though the prayers seemed to go wherever the spirit led and jumped from place to place there was a consistency to the storyline. Then all of a sudden in January of 2012 the journal was written out of the story and sat somewhere untouched for years. 

Alongside these entries were dozens of prayer cards I remembered creating after reading A Praying Life in 2010 & 2011. I found bible verse, key words and hopes for members of my family, my closest friends and leaders within the church.  It was amazing to see through the cards the answered prayer for these individuals over the last few years and a much needed reminder that He is faithful to finish what he has started. 

About half way through the journal the pages became empty and the stories/prayers seemed to pause. I must admit there have been many days where real life seems to have mirrored the pause. And yet this morning the blank pages seemed a sign of hope. A reminder that the story is far from over. And an invitation to come and be heard, to listen, and to move forward. 

A traveling road show...

It's been almost a month since we haphazardly crammed every inch of a 27' moving truck with seemingly endless amounts of stuff. If you live alone and have moved the only way you can relate is if you...actually you can't relate. After over eight years in a city we love deeply we started a traveling roadshow complete with a three vehicle caravan and embarked on the journey south. I had the privilege of taking my oldest son with me in the semi truck while my gracious wife endured the other four kids in her van and my kind sister in law followed in back with her kids crammed between the "junk" we couldn't fit anywhere else. As every wise human would we loaded the entire day then decided we were superhuman and would drive overnight so the kids slept the majority of the drive...

It's was 10:45pm on a Saturday when we pulled off the beautiful tree lined street in Lincoln Park and navigated toward Georgia. If you've been to Chicago (at any time/day) then you know we got stuck in traffic and spent an hour just to get on the highway. It was an adventure!

Remember that superhuman strength we have? Turns out we were more fragile than we wanted to admit, at least my sister in law and I were. We made it until 1:45am then slept amidst a sea of semitrucks in rural Indiana. When I woke two hours later I found out that my wife was actually superhuman and was currently hours ahead of us in Kentucky. By this point the dawn was about to break and Anderson was awake. It's one of my favorite memories. We were talking about the sunrise and how faithful God is to bring a new day each morning. Anderson had so many great questions and told me he was getting hungry and he was wide awake. I looked left to see the sun rise over the horizon and when I looked back Anderson had passed out. I learned that you can't always trust what a six year old says at 6am. Still I pressed on with the thrill of trying to catch up with my beautiful wife!

Once we made it about 45 miles north of Louisville my sister in law and I were having serious Starbucks withdrawal so I googled the closest one and we raced to get our prize. After wandering two miles off the exit the destination was on our left. The only problem was that it was now an autozone and when I looked at the Starbucks that was in Google Maps I realized that I failed to notice the "permanently closed" message directly below. This trek, while adventurous, was keeping me from catching Thiele. Kinsey and I rushed to find the next Starbucks which turned out to be 2 1/2 hours later in Bowling Green Kentucky. 

Once caffeinated we pressed onward with a vengeance through the rolling green hills of Tennessee. It was around Nashville when the A/C went out in the semi and the temperature began to soar into the upper 90's (Welcome to the South!). It was the best of times and it was the worst of times. Our road trip took the ultimate step in memory making when we then had to cruise with the windows down and the jams on blast! For a little over four hours we endured the heat and pressed on. Finally in the late afternoon we arrived to our new home in sweat soaked clothes. It was a feeling of both victory and complete exhaustion (we also NEVER caught Thiele...). 

From that day forward we've been sifting through our belongings and wandering through the hoarder-esk trails that exist between stacks of boxes. It feels good to say we're making progress (even if it's going slow). I've loved seeing our kids enjoy the adventure. In the little things like gardening, running through the forest, eating on the deck and playing ping pong. While no one is settled at this point there is a feeling that this is where we should be. It was a long journey to get here but we all survived. I hope that my older kids will share stories of our cross country move with their kids and the little kids will create new memories as they grow up in metro Atlanta. For me it's all about the story that's being told and I love that we have little roles along the way. Someday when we're rocking on a porch swing and our grandkids are running around the estate I hope to call them up to the porch and recall all of the little stories being written in the moments of life. Stories of our move, of dance recitals, of times things went wrong, of times things went right, of where we saw God move, of where we witnessed redemption first hand, of the falls, of the comebacks and of the love that overflows. 

We're transitioning well into our new southern digs but appreciate your continued prayer over our crazy quirky family. 

Flying high...

If you've had the privilege of flying in an airplane before than you completely understand the feeling I'm about to describe. You load the airplane and if you're lucky (or have status) you have the window seat (no offense to those of you who prefer aisle, offense if you prefer middle). After the steward/stewardess finishes the safety announcement (which business travelers could repeat from memory) the aircraft begins to taxi toward the runway. "We've been cleared for departure. Flight crew please take your seats". The announcement muffled through your earphones and then the airplane makes the turn on to the runway and in a matter of seconds the nose is reaching toward the heavens. It's in these moments between cities that I am frequently reminded of how small I am. I believe flying is one of the most humbling experiences that exists. It is also one of the greatest reminders for me of how large our creator is. 

In the moments after take off there is a silence aboard the plane as everyone anxiously anticipates reaching ten thousand feet (likely so they can pull out their laptops and resume work). Two dings quickly sound and the businessmen instantly begin firing away emails because we cannot and will not be disconnected from planet earth. I find myself slower to grab my lap top as I gaze amazed out the window at the incredible ability to soar above the earth. I must admit that I too spend too much time complaining about slow airplane wifi and my inability to remain connected but today on my flight without wifi I sit silently staring in amazement at all that exists in the world as we know it. 

Until the last century there was never the ability to experience so much of God's creation. If we're honest we feel entitled as flight has revolutionized our ability to travel and connected so many communities globally and for someone of my age has always been a viable travel option. The more I travel the more I realize that I am one of the first in our family who have been able to travel the world. I've had the opportunity to visit more places than both sets of my grandparents combined and I am always fascinated on my travels. 

People always describe each destination and the differences that abound there but the more I travel the more I see the similarities. There are definitely differences geologically, culturally, etc. but the human experience is so similar it's truly amazing. Everywhere I travel I see families. I see relationships developing. I see people hurting. I see people striving. I see people thriving. I see people surviving. I see the rich and I see the poor  and everyone in between. I see that despite the physical differences we are so much the same. Regardless of location we're desperate, we're searching, and we're hoping. We need someone to rescue us and someone to love us well. I'm so thankful that for me I know who that someone is and I've seen his provision time and time again. I've experienced the grace of his forgiveness unimpacted by my stupidity and without regard for my lack of wisdom. I've witnessed his pursuit time and time again. He knows me and yet he chooses to love me deeply. 

Cutting across the Great Lakes on my way from Vermont to Chicago I am again encountering the majesty of his rich love. I'm reminded as the fields become small and myself even smaller that a great redemption story is being told. And most of all I am so grateful for these moments of true clarity and the reminder of our greatest hope. I hope that flying brings you the same clarity and that you encounter the truest love which is pursuing you in every instance. 

Afternoon awakening...

Sometimes when you're alone in a car full of sleeping kids and a screaming newborn you're given glimpses of the incredible stories unfolding. Of course the screaming can be distracting but as you're able to comfort your little one you realize just how much you've been entrusted with. People keep asking what it's like to have five kids and I often respond "it feels largely the same, we were outnumbered before and we continue to be". Obviously this is my lame attempt at moving past everyone's shock of our family size which far exceeds statistical averages. 

While I often look in the mirror and see a quickly aging 45 year old (dad bod to the extreme) I have yet to actually reach thirty...

And the shock continues... Honestly this may be one of the best opportunities I have to share what an incredible privilege it is. Sure, some days seem eternal and there are nights that feel the same but better than that are each of the moments in between. In the stillness (or if you can function in chaos which I believe can be learned) you start to realize that you've been entrusted with a generation. Your family is your greatest gift from God and the greatest gift you give back to the world. If you have kids let that sink in. One day our kids will be charged with the responsibilities we're currently facing; building community, loving others, working the land, providing for family, caring for us (I really don't want the retirement community...). 

And so as I snuggle my fifth child with numbers three and four passed out nearby I'm painfully aware of how quickly time is passing, how quickly they're becoming their own person and how quickly they'll be a contributing member of the global community. We have to be intentional with our pursuit of their little souls and give them abundant grace to learn and to stumble. Our love has to be big and the source has to come from our Father who is able to equip us for the challenge. Right now I need more help than I'm often willing to admit. I need grace too. 

As parents let's step up together to the greatest adventure we've ever been on and biggest gift we will likely receive. In the end I want to know that my kids know the love I have for them and I want them to go forth and share the same love with the next generation. 

Where did the last week go?

If you've travelled to Europe or Asia there's a good chance you've had the opportunity to ride on the high speed rail lines. They're incredible in the sense that you're moving on land at a rate so much higher than is typical yet the journey is as smooth as a car ride. Our newest little bundle came barreling into our family's lives in much the same way.

It's was around 7:45pm last Tuesday when Thiele's water started to break but there weren't any consistent or significant contractions. Since we were having a home birth I quickly rushed off to Trader Joes to grab some snacks for the midwife team because I knew this was finally it. At six days overdue I returned from the grocery store around 8:10pm and the contractions had increased in intensity. It's amazing to me how incredibly unique each birth experience is and yet at the same time how many similarities. In typical fashion my amazingly strong wife (SUPER WOMAN) argued that it wasn't active labor but I insisted that we call the midwife. We had no idea that less than two hours from her first contraction we would be meeting the incredible Adrian James Reece!

That's all it took (Thiele I'm sure can attest that it took more than I'm leading on)! In a record one hour and forty minutes we were holding our fifth child, our third son, and the one our family had been so eagerly anticipating (we were also crying and smiling and laughing). It's amazing to be a week out and returning to work (side note we need to discuss paternal leave) because the memories seem so close. 

For me it's a reminder that every moment has an enormous impact and is also fleeting. We have been given the opportunity to invest in future generations by the way we love our kids. We've been entrusted with the greatest gift and called to love. It reminds me of the first time we gave birth (by we I mean Thiele) and the immediate new understanding of our father's love for us. Each and every time since I have had even more clarity around the undeniable love of our creator and I'm amazed by his graciousness in sharing this gift with us. 

Our family is embarking on a new adventure and we couldn't be more thrilled. There will of course be; obstacles, laughs, cries, fights, encouragement, exhaustion, excursion, selflessness, selfishness, memories, smiles, frowns, joy, and everything else between. Alongside all of this there is a purpose for Thiele and I as we lead our family and I hope that we will be humble in our approach and relentless in our pursuit of our father and his kingdom. 

Caution: curve ahead, slow speed.

Looking out at the water is an instant reminder that everything has a state of constant motion. Commuting in the morning there are people scrambling every which way and embarking on journeys by foot, bike, car, train, even plane. Even when we're asleep we're spinning through the galaxy at a pace we can't comprehend. It's exhausting and sometimes overwhelming. 

I've been becoming more and more aware of the rapid pace lately as we wait patiently (more honestly impatiently) for our newest family member to make his/her arrival. The moments seem to be gaining momentum and I don't want to miss a beat. I keep hearing a gentle reminder to slow down and soak it in. Like a sign on the road warning of a change in driving conditions ahead I feel the need to brake. 

Trying to be intentional about creating space to be still, to be quiet, to observe and to soak in all the memories that are being made. I don't know if it's the pace or the upcoming changes but I'm feeling millenially nostalgic as of late. The kids are growing and evolving at a rate I can't believe. A reminder to be intentional and protect our family time because sooner rather than later they'll be going to their first dances, graduating from high school, moving out of our home, falling in love, serving others, and building new memories with their own families. Selfishly I want to stop time and document every part of the journey even though I know I have to let go. The only control I have is over how I allot my time and pursue their hearts. 

So as a I stand over the current of the lake I'm reminded to slow down and soak it in. To plan my time wisely and to invest in building character in my life that cares for each of them as an individual. 

The awakening

It happens every year! There's a morning when you naturally wake early and realize the sun has already sprung and if you listen closely you can hear birds chirping. In my case, I could hear my youngest screaming to be released (he must've already heard the birds and seen the sun). Regardless of what sounds greet you there is an awakening taking place. 

Even though the ground is still hard and covered in an array of colors that depict filth you start to believe that spring is approaching. This morning was that morning for me! A breathe of fresh air, abundant sunshine, and the lurking promise of a new chapter. 

After the dark, cold and often harsh realities of winter there is nothing better than an impending warm up. A reawakening of the soul. A new vision for the future and a tearing away of the relentlessly mundane winter season. With any new chapter hope is abundant and I cling to it so that I can drive out the fear that tends to come right beside. This spring not only are we embarking on a new chapter but awaiting the introduction of a new character. 

Although too many times we hear "you're  pros by now" there is a mystique to the birthing process. One thing I know for sure, no two kids have come out even remotely the same. That's the beauty! Within the first moments of life one's personality begins to emerge and the rest of life character is formed. As we eagerly anticipate the final member of our basketball team I'm filled with hope for the new beginning, the blessing of fatherhood and the hope of ending up outside a retirement home (😜). 

This was that morning when I realized and accepted that the times they are changing. There's only so much I can do prepare so I'll hope that who I currently am is sufficient and trust that there are bigger things at work. It's the dawn of a new chapter and I'm excited to pen the pages. 

Hoping to see through the window pane

Kids say and do the darnedest things and their impact on our lives is remarkable. I've had no greater perspective than that which comes new each morning since Lyvi Lou (and then rest of the crew) made her triumphant appearance. The joy, the laughter, the hard work, the choice to put my needs after others, the real struggle, the truest love, the very best memories. Having walked with my father for years I was completely shocked and overjoyed to realize the love he had for me. A love that I couldn't fully grasp until I had the same for my own children. How much greater the grace he gives became evident to me. In the littlest of moments and in all the ways I continue to be forgiven I'm overwhelmed by the generosity. His great ability to see the finished component, the true potential, above all the muck and mud that occur day in and day out. 

On Wednesdays the brood heads over to our local church and attend AWANA while we have a chance to spend time with other parents who are also on the greatest adventure of all! In these moments in reminded of the responsibility to love our kids endlessly, to pursue true relationship, to serve them and hope they choose to serve others, to forgive, to fight, to resolve and restore, to define true success...

Our culture doesn't want the same things we want for our kids. Interest is divided and success is measured by status, wealth, academics, and popularity. To this point I have to admit I often define my own worth according to the same guidelines. The comparison, competition and need for control leave me tired. Hoping and longing for my children to have a different definition, one that brings life and love in the fullest way possible. And processing this desire I can't help but think I have the privilege to influence their definition. The opportunity to model true success and define a legacy. 

In our discussion last night a comment was made that we all create a legacy but some last and others die alongside the owner. It's a sobering reality. So what do we want to be known for? How do we define success? What can we start doing right now that will impact our vision?

In the end I want my kids to tell stories of our lives together. Of the most real moments, the honest victories, the true realities. Of fun, abundant laughter, peace in the face of pain, dependence on the Father. Of love that overcame and joy that welled up inside. I want my kids to say I was authentic, honest and willing to get my hands dirty. It's a grand vision which requires strength I often don't feel ready to muster but I'm dedicated to it. I was recently asked "when you look out are you looking into a mirror or through a window pane". I want to look out the window, I want to see the needs of others before my own. I want to show up ready to help and willing to live out true love. I want my kids to make the same decision in their own lives and recognize the true greatness we were created for, the story of full restoration that we've been invited to scribble a few pages in. I want to live a genuine life. 

Post explosion lull

Saturday morning I woke up early and jetted off to Manhattan for work. Having just been in August my mind was racing with all of the places I wanted to see and enjoy again. Ever since my first visit I've been captivated by the culture, the concrete, and the pulse. There isn't another city like it in the world! 

While attending a conference for work I found every possible free moment to galavant through my favorite Manhattan neighborhoods! Wading through garbage doesn't faze me there because I'm so enamored by the scale and complexity. Needless to say in four days I came and saw and conquered. 

I landed back in Chicago late Tuesday night and my incredible wife was waiting up to hear all about my trip (and I was anxious to hear the million ways she and the kids survived in my absence). Each of the kiddos were nestled in their beds so I made the round trip from cheek to cheek squeezing them while they slept. Their value far outweighed my few days of freedom. I had the privilege to head into the office late yesterday so I was able to spend more time squeezing and dropping off and playing before venturing back into the standard routine. 

Upon hitting the streets it was a sobering reminder of how quiet Chicago is relative to New York. The scale of each city completely unrelatable. A block with only one other person or a street without constant honking and yellow cabs. There is a lull that follows the explosion that is Manhattan. 

Despite the dramatic landscape change and my constant desire for concrete and tall buildings that go on forever I was glad to be at home. To see my wife, to listen to stories from my kids and share laughter over the little things. There are no more precious moments in life than these.