No wifi = Blog

Flying through the sky without internet is the perfect time to reflect on the week and process all that's happened. For this reason, I was ok when our flight attendant announced "You're going to have to survive one hour without the internet" (alright I admit there was a moment of sheer panic). 

I'm on my fourth flight of the week but the good news is two of those were vacation flights. Thiele and I had the opportunity to fly away to Southern California Saturday through Wednesday and it was incredible. We arrived in LA Saturday and took our time leisurely strolling down the coast to see our Chicago friends in San Diego. There's nothing quite like sand between your toes, salt water crashing against your legs and mountain views in the distance (I get the SoCal thing now). California dreaming is a real thing (side note: why are all my favorite places so expensive? #goodtaste). I loved having the time alone with Thiele to decompress and talk with less than normal interruption. Traveling with only the baby proved much easier than the day to day with all five (though I definitely wouldn't trade it). 

There's something about vacation that inspires us to dream and dream big. Without the day to day I think we're more honest about what we really want and our hearts confess their truest desires. Not desires to do nothing forever but dreams of what life could be like if we pursued our real passions and how we could grow if we were willing to take a risk. It's easy to keep doing what we've always done and pursuing our dreams is one of the greatest risks so we keep on keeping on. 

Not only is it a calculatable risk to pursue dreams but we live in an age where we can quantify everything. We all have gold stars in developing a risk assessment and can persuade ourselves to never be adventurous. I don't think all of our technology and education has moved us that far forward. It has definitely enhanced our comfort but I fear it limits our fullest potential. It prohibits our willingness to take risk. When we were in the wilderness without access to the internet we were wandering, exploring and forced into a state of adventure. 

One of my favorite parts of the trip was our time in Joshua Tree Nat'l Park (if you haven't been, GO!). It's one of the most bizarre places I've ever been! The stark contrast between the high and low desert are awe inspiring. There are so many things that aren't logical. So many random types of vegetation that are able to survive in the most extreme climate. So many questions come flying out of your soul as you soak it all in. It's healing and inspiring and I believe it stirs up new vision. 

Without the distraction of constant communication (if we can really call it that) we were free to talk and engage in real conversation. We were encouraged to engage. Reveling in the wonder of creation we articulated our deepest desires and I believe we're closer because of the honesty that was drawn out. It was quiet which gave us an opportunity to be still and ponder. And be close to our creator. 

True exploration is riveting and I believe one of the greatest desires of our heart. Time spent wandering through canyons and scaling rock walls brings me great joy but it also reminds me of my deep need for real relationships. There is a sense of purpose and a desire to live a life that has meaning. The chance to see what was previously unseen (by us) gave Thiele and I the chance to connect in a new way. I loved every second of our trip and learning more about my favorite person. 

She is a woman of the most noble character. Her heart is wild and free. She has strength I cannot explain and a desire to serve others that I envy. I love time alone with her because I always have a new level of respect and a deeper love for her. She lives in a way that builds others up. She is fearless in the way she offers love to others and she listens like no one I've ever met. Hearing her heart and finding our shared passions continues to unite us moment after moment. The moments are not all perfect but what's perfection anyway? I think it's just something we've developed to put ourselves above others and distort reality. 

Here I am, trying to store away all the memories we made on our trip. The places we saw, the food we ate (BTW, eat at Mendocino Farms in LA), and more the experiences we had together. A spider as big as our fist came crawling across our path when there was no one else in the same part of the desert (there was screaming! You decide who it was). The time we spent with dear friends walking along the bluffs, overlooking the ocean, and reinvesting in our friendship while catching up on lost time. The dreams we discussed for our family and next steps to move forward. The time we spent marveling at the way the waves faithfully crashed in at our feet. It was a trip to remember and fuel to move us forward. Not only a time to recharge but a time to adjust direction and pursue risk. I'm so thankful for our time to wander together in Southern California.

It's a boy!

It's hard to believe that it's been six months since Adrian became part of our family. I remember the events of the night like it was yesterday. Our whole family was crowded around the TV watching Americas Got Talent and Thiele was having mild contractions. After a few weeks of mild Braxton hicks she was confident this was just another false alarm (even though she was over a week late). By the time the show was ending I could tell tonight was the night (by the fifth time you know). We tucked the kids in bed and I told Thiele she needed to call the midwife. She declined while brushing off the pain. 

I didn't back down this time and insisted she called the midwife. I told her I was going to the store for snacks and if she didn't call I would when I got home. It was 8 o'clock at night when I left for Trader Joes. By the time I got home 20 minutes later the contractions were intense. Thankfully Thiele had called her midwife team and they were on the way. 

Even though we'd had four kids at this point, it was our first home birth experience (which I HIGHLY recommend). The midwife team showed up and labor progressed quickly. By 9:40pm our newest Generous came barreling (literally) into the world. He came with a speed that was unknown up to this point and set a record for the shortest Generous labor, coming in at under two hours. By 1 o'clock in the morning it was just our little family (or big depending on your vantage point) and the midwife team had left. We sat and marveled at the new life that laid in our arms. Even at number five it was a brand new experience. 

My favorite part of being a dad is that no two kids are the same. Within the first seconds of life you can tell they are their own person. A personality begins to emerge and it develops every day after. Six months later I'm so in love with this little man. His smile is infectious and he's so good at bringing us together. I love watching the older kids step up to care for him and the younger kids laugh at his antics. He's added a new layer of awesome to the mix and I can't imagine life without him. 

She wears strength on her sleeve

The only sounds in my living room are that of the dishwasher and the howling winds whipping through the trees outside. All seems quiet, peaceful and in its place. Each of the kids are tucked away in their beds sound asleep and even the dog has nothing to say. I'm amazed that I survived an evening on my own with all of the kids. 

Over the last few weeks I've been traveling so frequently I hardly recognize the feeling of my own bed. It's been exhausting for me personally but tonight I realized, in a tangible way, how exhausting it must have been for Thiele. Day in and day out she has powered through alone and endured the crazy that is life with five kids. 

Within five minutes of her departure the noise level had reached a decibel I can't describe. A chain reaction of screaming set off from one child unto the other as they mourned the departure of mommy dearest. Thankfully my eldest one maintained composure so it wasn't a complete horror scene. 

We quickly scrambled to get dinner done and everyone fed before running out the door to get Alyvia to dance class. After dropping her off I thought it would be easiest to stay out since I'd have to pick her up in two hours. In a moment of pure genius (or insanity) I drove toward Target. Why do I always end up at Target? 

On the drive to the store both of the middle kids fell asleep (the painful result of no naps) so I bribed them to come inside with the offer of dessert (take notes, this is real parenting). In case you don't know those under 12 get a free cookie every day, adding to my genius idea. We headed to the hairspray aisle (for Thiele of course) and they were out. In a momentary rage I decided "I hate Target" and left. With another hour and a half until pick up we went to the library. 

As new residents it was thrilling to get a library card (On a side note, why is that? Do people even check out books anymore?). It started off so well, three kids on foot and Adrian safely in the Ergo. How quickly peace turns to chaos. By checkout time Adrian was screaming and my youngest was running around bookshelves laughing. We (I) slunk out the door with our books in hand and headed back to the dance studio. 

After all the bedtime hoopla of tooth brushing, potty and more crying they are all asleep. I'm exhausted; mentally, physically and emotionally. Knowing my limits I am now enjoying a glass of wine celebrating the incredible strength of my wife. 

When we met we were babies and then we became bigger babies and then we had babies. It has been remarkable to see the strength she had inside come outward and the impact it has had on our family and those she meets. Recalling all that I've experienced in four hours doesn't touch her everyday reality and yet you'd never know. Her strength comes from somewhere else and it's evident. I'm so thankful to wake up next to her everyday. 

Cheers to you Thiele Rachel!

That time I had no depth perception...

After 84+ hours alone with three of my five kids they are ALL still breathing. A moment of true victory in the face of adversity. I've survived my middle children (with the help of my oldest) and I think we had fun...

Thiele took the oldest and youngest boys and jetted off for the big city to surprise one of our besties. I, admitting my limits, enlisted the help of my best friend who graciously flew across the country for the assist. In true Jonathan fashion I packed as much as was humanly possible into our weekend (many would say too much). 

Friday night we grocery shopped, grilled and had a raging bonfire (with Reese smores of course). The kids were hilarious and we laughed a lot which turned out to be a theme for most of the weekend. On Saturday we ventured into our "big city" and hit all the hip hoods. Beltline art viewing, park hopping and of course Jake's ice cream. To top off the weekend we woke up early Sunday for church then hiked the start of the Appalachian trail before calling it a wrap. 

And then today came and the crazy let loose. My bestie had to go and I had to wrangle the three alone. Did I mention I have two of my MIDDLE children (sorry Leah Generous I don't mean offense but...)? It has been a day and the waves of exhaustion keep rolling over all of us. Finally tonight a much needed return to laughter. 

We set out to get Lyvi Lou to dance at 5:45pm with my fourth cup of coffee in hand (yes four! Sorry I'm not sorry). After dropping her off we headed to the park to expel some crazy. In a moment of determination I slammed myself into a slide head first. I was trying desperately to make up for the lousy day we'd all had, trying to impress and get a smile. It smacked the sense right into me and the laughter came flooding back. I'd let my exhaustion keep me from the joy that was right there in front of me, my kiddos. There are so many choices in the day to day and I need to continually choose family. It takes effort but pays the greatest dividends. Thankful for a wake up call before the week gets away from me. 

In other news check out the aftermath...

A lesson in humility!

She holds my heart!

When you've known someone over half your life there are bound to be memories. Stories so plentiful that outsiders can't possibly keep up. I first met Thiele when we were twelve at a family cookie party up north. We were both dorky and shy and mostly dorky but there was immediate interest nonetheless. I remember the next year we sat in a snowbank for quite some time talking and awkwardly waiting for the other to offer a first kiss...

Flash forward to present day and we're celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary (holy smokes)! Yes 9th! If I'm honest it feels like much longer but I think that's just because of how much life we've packed into these last nine years. In 9 years we've moved 11 times, had 5 kids, lived in 3 states, traveled, rested and made so many memories my blog can't possible contain the details. Plus there is all of our history before we were "official". It has been a journey and we've been each other's biggest encourager. I can't imagine how I could've survived the mental trauma of that many moves without the world's best packer. 

Thiele believes in me. Every day I know if everything went off the deep end and failure was all I had, it wouldn't be all I had. Thiele would still be cheering me on, advocating for me and loving me despite my failure. She has always seen the best in me and diligently spoke truth to call me to live out the best I can offer to the world. Beyond her encouragement she offers me constant peace in a land that offers everything but. We're the best of friends!

At just shy of a decade we've endured a lot of "real" life. We've seen dreams come to life and prayers answered but we've also endured deep hurt together and loss but thankfully also forgiveness. We're far from the same people we were last year let alone nine years ago. It doesn't always look like it but I know we're getting better. We're being made new. 

There isn't anyone in the world who knows me the way Thiele does. No one who can see past the show and cut to the heart. I'm so thankful for her love and our constant adventures. I love you so much Thiele Rachel. Forever a T.R.E.E. hugger! 

A patchwork of faithfulness

One of the many reasons I love flying is how it highlights Jesus presence. As soon as the nose of the plane lifts up off the ground everything below rapidly decreases in size and significance. A new vantage point reveals itself from the air and I realize how little I am and how infinite my creator is. In these moments I'm reminded of the truly important facets of life; faith, family, adventure. 

This morning when we reached our cruising altitude I was quickly reminded of the changing seasons. The cabin temperature felt arctic in comparison to the last few trips (which is likely in part to the fact that I'm a southern gentlemen now and my blood is #THIN). Although the temperature kept me from sleeping it reminded me my favorite season was here! I love when the leaves reveal their hidden colors in a period of undeniable transition. Especially this year I find myself relating to the trees and embracing a similar transition. 

We've ventured across the country and found ourselves grasping for our previous norms. While we love to say that change makes us better I think embracing change and trusting what's today is much easier said than done. Nevertheless some of the most rewarding things emerge from the most difficult. In the midst of so many changes it has been unbelievably refreshing to see that his care for us is constant. Recently, we've found a community of followers that have been an absolute encouragement for our hearts. I'm amazed at how he's crafted together a patchwork of relationships for each of us in such a short time. Flying above the clouds and seeing all that he's been thoughtful to create I know his faithfulness is unwavering and his loving pursuit of our hearts unending. 

The last three years have been a long road for our family and often my faith has felt dormant. A distant memory of what I once had lurked and teased. Unwilling to accept the dynamic ebb and flow of our relationship I felt abandoned. I've been too proud to rely on him and wasted time proving I could do everything on my own. Yet in his kindness and love for me he continues to take care of every detail of my life. He provides for us in ways we can't describe and he keeps showing up. In new and old relationships, when I'm outside, and as I float above the clouds I know that he's in it for the long haul and so am I. So reflecting on life I have to admit that there are things I need to let go. 

If you garden (I pretend to), you're aware that fall is the best time to prune back trees and shrubs so that new growth can take place in the spring. I'm hoping to remain humble and respond to the pruning that needs to take place in my own life, trusting that he has promised new life in return and he's faithful to deliver on his promises. 

Sunrise September

Groggy and nestled deep in the comforter, hiding from the crisp cool air streaming in through the window of our bedroom, the first alarm sounds. The beauty of a fall morning is always the internal battle between the warmth of one's bed and the chill of the air. My bed always wins the first round and so I wander between awake and asleep until the snooze times out. 

I love the early mornings, especially in the fall, for the quiet and rest they give to my soul. Time to make coffee and sit outside in a hoodie before the little scampering feet come searching for food. On this morning as I realize another month is half way over I cannot believe the pace at which we're all moving. In the last five years the amount of transition has been daunting and here we are again entering into another shift, another transition, another year. So this morning I've been looking back, considering all the ways we've been cared for and all the potential disasters we've avoided. 

There has been a significant amount of heartbreak and yet we're all still trucking along, TOGETHER! Where I've lacked the courage to lead well, there has been grace and care for our family. In the moments of crisis there has been hope for what's coming and love for the times in between. It has been some of the most challenging years of our lives. We've stumbled, we've bruised each other we've fought. We've encouraged, we've cheered, and we've forgiven. The moment when we realize there's more is a moment when we can continue on in the midst of hurt and there has certainly been hurt. I'm not proud of how I've led our family but I am confident that where I misstep our dad steps in and meets our every need. 

So here I am, in shorts and a hoodie, reclining on the deck drinking coffee and thanking God for holding us together. For fighting on our behalf and loving us so well. He truly cares for us and keeps us. "Humble yourselves therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:6-7. 

Stepping into a new season (sorry Thiele) can be overwhelming but he's giving us courage to press on, to love well and to live with purpose. I don't know what the coming months hold for us but I know he's walking with us and for that I'm so grateful.