Can you hear the whispers?

When you grow up in the Midwest it's easy to wonder why the seasons start and end dates were decided as they were. There are many March birthdays I remember with snow on the ground or the occasional snow storm into April yet March brought the introduction to spring. Now as an Atlanta transplant and someone who travels regularly around the country for work these dates make significantly more sense (outside of the Midwest and Northeast). 

Over the last few weeks in Atlanta all of creation has been coming back to life. It began with the earliest bloomers in late February sprouting the most poignant pink blossoms amongst the brown back drop. 

This was just the beginning. As if part of an orchestra with each plant knowing exactly when to put forth their part, other trees began to show signs of life and the music was deafening. Within three weeks all sorts of awakening had taken place and the presence of new life was undeniable. 

It was around this time that I entered into a new decade in my life. Optimistic in the possibilities of life after my twenties I set off on a new workout regimen (that's what adults do, right?) now thirteen days later I can share that habits are forming and real life is happening (obviously not just because I'm running). He has shared plans with me through the whispers and groans of his creation as it awakens. He's invited me to join him on his quest. 

If you know my wife (and you're blessed if you do) than you may know she's a bit of a hippie and a firm believer in mind, body, and spirit health. She's always teaching our family little ways to engage with vegetables or eliminate chemicals we had no idea were present. She's also someone who regularly points to faithfulness and love of Jesus. I'm sure she'd never admit it but the way she lives is one of the most true signs of Christ I know. She is selfless and humble, patient and kind, she listens far more than she speaks and her heart is in tune with the Spirit. I can't imagine my life without her. 

So on this adventure sparked by the deepest longings of my soul and met by the presence of my creator I am amazed at how he is at work. It's evidenced in the awakening of everything around us. Can you hear it? Who do you think tells the flowers to reveal their beauty and the bees to begin their work? The signs of life, power, and sovereignty are undeniable. His kingdom is fast at work, restoring every facet as originally intended and inviting us to take part in the greatest redemption story. Will you join him where he leads you? Can you hear his whisper? He longs for your participation and loves you deeply. 

⏰ 30

I don't think anyone refers to decades in their own life until the exit of their 20's. For me, this officially happened today. A decade doesn't seem like enough time to summarize all the life I experienced from 20 - 29. In many ways I can't believe that I'm 30 years old but in others I feel that I must be 45.

I still remember my 20th birthday party at the Sexy Lexy in Detroit (this was our building's nickname just to clarify). Shortly after, Thiele and I were visiting family in northern Michigan jumping on trampolines with our niece. We had no idea it'd be our last weekend as two. During the next week Thiele came flying into my work and asked if we could talk. We stepped outside and I learned that we were expecting. This was the first truly defining moment of the decade. It was a challenge to step into or run away from. Many people were shocked, sad, and angry but it wasn't their decision and so we carried on. By the end of the 9th month of my 20th year I met the most incredible little lady, my Alyvia Alexa Elizabeth (the rest of the tribe came every two years like clock work). 

We stayed in Michigan for a short time after our little lady made her debut but Thiele and I already had plans to live in Chicago. In April of 2007 we set off for a tiny apartment at Belmont/Paulina for way more money than we could actually afford. Of course we then struggled to put things in place and at one point I found myself pawning my DVD collection (which honestly I feel was wise since I'd get nothing now). God showed up in undeniable ways and provided for our every need. By the end of the summer we'd become pretty connected to a great community of believers and found ourselves participating in a church plant by early 2008. The community we experienced for the years after the plant remain defining relationships in my life and a picture of how God intended people to engage. 

For the middle of my 20's there was a constant rhythm. New kids and new friends and lots of running (some would argue alternating dogs). There was also a major hurdle. Our friend group was rocked by the pain and sorrow of another couples divorce. It had a ripple effect in our church and caused so much devastation in it's wake. For many it was hard to overcome for a long period of time and our church had a difficult time moving past it. For me, the proximity was too close and it tore out a piece of my soul. I didn't respond by turning closer to Jesus but instead kept him at arms length which begin many seasons of doubt and unrest. 

In part of my running we moved across the country to Atlanta. The food was too good but I spent the entire time comparing every restaurant, every commute, every person I met to the people I loved in Chicago. My heart posture was not healthy and comparison never leads to building up. Instead of engaging I found myself judging people and making excuses why I couldn't be friends with them while the rest of my family settled in and engaged in new relationships. Needless to say my wandering heart tore us back to Chicago for a second chance. 

It didn't take long after our return to realize life didn't stop in our absence. Even though I stopped making new friends in Atlanta it seemed all of my friends in Chicago had moved on. I couldn't bear my miscalculation and so continued to keep everyone at arms length while I reacclamated to city life. As usual, my beautiful wife wasted no time re-engaging and building new friendships all around our neighborhood. The kids started school and I took up biking to work (most of you know that outcome 🗞). It turned out much better than it began and I wouldn't change any of it now. 

Flash forward to the last year of my 20's and we find ourselves back in Atlanta. This time I'm applying the learnings of the decade and loving it here. We're up to four kids, two dogs and an ice cream thief. The kids continue to challenge me as they grow up and I'm so proud of who they're becoming. Our relationship helps me better understand all the ways God is pursuing, caring and loving me which is literally changing my life. The 20's were full of so many memories I'll cherish forever and so many defining moments that have shaped how I follow Jesus now. Here's to the 30's which are looking too good and the delicious breakfast I was served in bed!!

When the mountains speak!

We woke way too early for a Saturday and I scrambled to pack breakfast and a few snacks for our 4.3 mile hike to the top of Blood Mountain. I've been dying to go and was really excited to take just the boys on an adventure. In a very groggy manner we settled into the fun bus and set off for the wilderness. 

I'm thankful that there are so many places to explore within an hour drive of our house. Did I mention the Appalachian trail starts that close to my house? Outdoor activities are endless. The whole drive Azariah continually pointed out the "frosting" that was everywhere. Our first meaningful frost or "southern snow" was beautiful as it topped the outdoor surfaces. When we arrived to the trailhead it was a balmy 31 degrees but we were prepared (thank God for all the cold weather gear we accumulated in Chicago). We bundled up in winter jackets, hats and gloves and hit the trail. 

As with every trail I select I ignored the difficulty rating and thought were "men" so surely it won't be too much for us. It's such an arrogant and prideful thing to think. At the head I briefly glanced at the map and saw that we had to switch trails to get to the summit. Within the first quarter mile we had to cross a 20' creek on few and far between rocks. I realized here Azariah would have to ride on my back in the Ergo (nothing like a 38lb moving object to carry up a 1500'+ ascent). Anderson was fearless and we ventured on and up the trail. 

After about 35 minutes we made the first ridge and were faced with a trail crossing. There were only two labeled; the one we came from and the freedom trail. I remembered the freedom trail going to the summit from the initial map glance so we went that way. Before proceeding Anderson said "dad, I think we're supposed to go this way" to which I replied " no, the freedom trail goes to the top (which it does, for record). 

We continued on along the ridge which provided the most incredible views of the surrounding mountains. By this point, with the lack of foliage and the height we could feel the sun and it was warming up. As our path narrowed we began crossing numerous natural springs, adult size boulders and down trees. It was glorious! Even better was Anderson's attitude and perspective. He moved along with awe all over his face as he asked about the world around him. Thiele had found an old pair of binoculars from my first ever Detroit Pistons game and he wore them as a badge of honor. Every two hundred feet or so he'd gaze through them and point out something from a neighboring mountain. What I loved most was that he always came back to "can you believe God created all of this"? 

There's nothing like seeing faith in your children. It's an encouragement that cannot be explained. We continued on talking about all that he's created and all that we've been given. It was a moment of real life where the insignificant faded out of view. Around this time Azariah wanted back down so I insisted he could if held my hand. Yeah right! But we pressed on and eventually stopped for a snack. I check my phone for the first time and realized we'd been on the train for 1hr 45mins and hiked 3 miles which concerned me. The trail to the summit is only 2 miles and shouldn't have taken this long. We continued to enjoy our snacks and together decided to begin the trek back. Sometimes it's important to remember your own limits. It reminds us that we're not as in control as we claim to be and points to our sustainer. 

The descent was incredible. I'm always amazed at how the change in perspective provides so many differing views. Our favorite was a neighboring mountain with a wall of glistening rock where water was rapidly pouring down. Six miles later we found ourselves back at the car having ascended and descended over 1500' around boulders and creeks. We quickly realized we hadn't used a bathroom in three and half hours and hurried off. 

Although the we never made the summit. Our day was full. The blue ridge and the majesty of wandering through mountainside was enough for us. We each learned something about ourselves and our limits. But not just limits also about our strength and where it comes from. It was a trip I hope my boys remember and one I can't wait to share with their kids. 

Midnight Uno Sessions

Have you had the chance to sit outside a closed door where laughter is erupting through the cracks? Between each giggle I can hear the popping of a childhood favorite, the game of Trouble. As I sit downstairs watching TV and listening to my daughter and her cousin I'm thrilled by the memories they're making. My cousins and I had so many opportunities to bond and I love witnessing my kids do the same. 

Some of my favorite memories are playing Uno around my Aunt Mary's dining room table at 2:00am with my cousins. By that point we had already indulged in pizza, Greek salad, and at least one Starwars movie. Between hands my cousins constantly fought over which New Kid on Block was each of their boyfriends. The weekends were epic! 

As a parent I think one of our biggest desires is to share the things that have been meaningful in our own lives with our kids. To facilitate opportunities to experience the same joys and store up similar memories. It's been so long since those Friday nights but I still remember the conversation, the laughter and most of all the real relationships. I can see our younger selves embracing life and sharing it with those we loved. As an adult we long for these types of interactions but we're so distracted. 

Technology has enhanced so many aspects of our lives. It has revolutionized how we engage but if we're honest it has also set us back. Late night board games have taken a back seat to constant scrolling and nonexistent conversation. So as I listen to the nonstop laughter of my daughter and my niece I pray that we would wise up. That I (and you) would be smart enough to prioritize and daring enough to miss out on our FB news feed. It seems risky but what if I wake up one day and realize that there is a thirty year gap between my last real engagement.

How many potential memories are we missing each day? How are our hearts being altered in a way that doesn't build us up? We were meant to be together. To laugh with someone else and to shake our fists as the other person exclaims "Uno". We were designed for relationships. I'm thankful for my children, who consistently bring me back to things that have long term value. 

Now for the irony of posting this on social media...

No wifi = Blog

Flying through the sky without internet is the perfect time to reflect on the week and process all that's happened. For this reason, I was ok when our flight attendant announced "You're going to have to survive one hour without the internet" (alright I admit there was a moment of sheer panic). 

I'm on my fourth flight of the week but the good news is two of those were vacation flights. Thiele and I had the opportunity to fly away to Southern California Saturday through Wednesday and it was incredible. We arrived in LA Saturday and took our time leisurely strolling down the coast to see our Chicago friends in San Diego. There's nothing quite like sand between your toes, salt water crashing against your legs and mountain views in the distance (I get the SoCal thing now). California dreaming is a real thing (side note: why are all my favorite places so expensive? #goodtaste). I loved having the time alone with Thiele to decompress and talk with less than normal interruption. Traveling with only the baby proved much easier than the day to day with all five (though I definitely wouldn't trade it). 

There's something about vacation that inspires us to dream and dream big. Without the day to day I think we're more honest about what we really want and our hearts confess their truest desires. Not desires to do nothing forever but dreams of what life could be like if we pursued our real passions and how we could grow if we were willing to take a risk. It's easy to keep doing what we've always done and pursuing our dreams is one of the greatest risks so we keep on keeping on. 

Not only is it a calculatable risk to pursue dreams but we live in an age where we can quantify everything. We all have gold stars in developing a risk assessment and can persuade ourselves to never be adventurous. I don't think all of our technology and education has moved us that far forward. It has definitely enhanced our comfort but I fear it limits our fullest potential. It prohibits our willingness to take risk. When we were in the wilderness without access to the internet we were wandering, exploring and forced into a state of adventure. 

One of my favorite parts of the trip was our time in Joshua Tree Nat'l Park (if you haven't been, GO!). It's one of the most bizarre places I've ever been! The stark contrast between the high and low desert are awe inspiring. There are so many things that aren't logical. So many random types of vegetation that are able to survive in the most extreme climate. So many questions come flying out of your soul as you soak it all in. It's healing and inspiring and I believe it stirs up new vision. 

Without the distraction of constant communication (if we can really call it that) we were free to talk and engage in real conversation. We were encouraged to engage. Reveling in the wonder of creation we articulated our deepest desires and I believe we're closer because of the honesty that was drawn out. It was quiet which gave us an opportunity to be still and ponder. And be close to our creator. 

True exploration is riveting and I believe one of the greatest desires of our heart. Time spent wandering through canyons and scaling rock walls brings me great joy but it also reminds me of my deep need for real relationships. There is a sense of purpose and a desire to live a life that has meaning. The chance to see what was previously unseen (by us) gave Thiele and I the chance to connect in a new way. I loved every second of our trip and learning more about my favorite person. 

She is a woman of the most noble character. Her heart is wild and free. She has strength I cannot explain and a desire to serve others that I envy. I love time alone with her because I always have a new level of respect and a deeper love for her. She lives in a way that builds others up. She is fearless in the way she offers love to others and she listens like no one I've ever met. Hearing her heart and finding our shared passions continues to unite us moment after moment. The moments are not all perfect but what's perfection anyway? I think it's just something we've developed to put ourselves above others and distort reality. 

Here I am, trying to store away all the memories we made on our trip. The places we saw, the food we ate (BTW, eat at Mendocino Farms in LA), and more the experiences we had together. A spider as big as our fist came crawling across our path when there was no one else in the same part of the desert (there was screaming! You decide who it was). The time we spent with dear friends walking along the bluffs, overlooking the ocean, and reinvesting in our friendship while catching up on lost time. The dreams we discussed for our family and next steps to move forward. The time we spent marveling at the way the waves faithfully crashed in at our feet. It was a trip to remember and fuel to move us forward. Not only a time to recharge but a time to adjust direction and pursue risk. I'm so thankful for our time to wander together in Southern California.

It's a boy!

It's hard to believe that it's been six months since Adrian became part of our family. I remember the events of the night like it was yesterday. Our whole family was crowded around the TV watching Americas Got Talent and Thiele was having mild contractions. After a few weeks of mild Braxton hicks she was confident this was just another false alarm (even though she was over a week late). By the time the show was ending I could tell tonight was the night (by the fifth time you know). We tucked the kids in bed and I told Thiele she needed to call the midwife. She declined while brushing off the pain. 

I didn't back down this time and insisted she called the midwife. I told her I was going to the store for snacks and if she didn't call I would when I got home. It was 8 o'clock at night when I left for Trader Joes. By the time I got home 20 minutes later the contractions were intense. Thankfully Thiele had called her midwife team and they were on the way. 

Even though we'd had four kids at this point, it was our first home birth experience (which I HIGHLY recommend). The midwife team showed up and labor progressed quickly. By 9:40pm our newest Generous came barreling (literally) into the world. He came with a speed that was unknown up to this point and set a record for the shortest Generous labor, coming in at under two hours. By 1 o'clock in the morning it was just our little family (or big depending on your vantage point) and the midwife team had left. We sat and marveled at the new life that laid in our arms. Even at number five it was a brand new experience. 

My favorite part of being a dad is that no two kids are the same. Within the first seconds of life you can tell they are their own person. A personality begins to emerge and it develops every day after. Six months later I'm so in love with this little man. His smile is infectious and he's so good at bringing us together. I love watching the older kids step up to care for him and the younger kids laugh at his antics. He's added a new layer of awesome to the mix and I can't imagine life without him. 

She wears strength on her sleeve

The only sounds in my living room are that of the dishwasher and the howling winds whipping through the trees outside. All seems quiet, peaceful and in its place. Each of the kids are tucked away in their beds sound asleep and even the dog has nothing to say. I'm amazed that I survived an evening on my own with all of the kids. 

Over the last few weeks I've been traveling so frequently I hardly recognize the feeling of my own bed. It's been exhausting for me personally but tonight I realized, in a tangible way, how exhausting it must have been for Thiele. Day in and day out she has powered through alone and endured the crazy that is life with five kids. 

Within five minutes of her departure the noise level had reached a decibel I can't describe. A chain reaction of screaming set off from one child unto the other as they mourned the departure of mommy dearest. Thankfully my eldest one maintained composure so it wasn't a complete horror scene. 

We quickly scrambled to get dinner done and everyone fed before running out the door to get Alyvia to dance class. After dropping her off I thought it would be easiest to stay out since I'd have to pick her up in two hours. In a moment of pure genius (or insanity) I drove toward Target. Why do I always end up at Target? 

On the drive to the store both of the middle kids fell asleep (the painful result of no naps) so I bribed them to come inside with the offer of dessert (take notes, this is real parenting). In case you don't know those under 12 get a free cookie every day, adding to my genius idea. We headed to the hairspray aisle (for Thiele of course) and they were out. In a momentary rage I decided "I hate Target" and left. With another hour and a half until pick up we went to the library. 

As new residents it was thrilling to get a library card (On a side note, why is that? Do people even check out books anymore?). It started off so well, three kids on foot and Adrian safely in the Ergo. How quickly peace turns to chaos. By checkout time Adrian was screaming and my youngest was running around bookshelves laughing. We (I) slunk out the door with our books in hand and headed back to the dance studio. 

After all the bedtime hoopla of tooth brushing, potty and more crying they are all asleep. I'm exhausted; mentally, physically and emotionally. Knowing my limits I am now enjoying a glass of wine celebrating the incredible strength of my wife. 

When we met we were babies and then we became bigger babies and then we had babies. It has been remarkable to see the strength she had inside come outward and the impact it has had on our family and those she meets. Recalling all that I've experienced in four hours doesn't touch her everyday reality and yet you'd never know. Her strength comes from somewhere else and it's evident. I'm so thankful to wake up next to her everyday. 

Cheers to you Thiele Rachel!