The awakening

It happens every year! There's a morning when you naturally wake early and realize the sun has already sprung and if you listen closely you can hear birds chirping. In my case, I could hear my youngest screaming to be released (he must've already heard the birds and seen the sun). Regardless of what sounds greet you there is an awakening taking place. 

Even though the ground is still hard and covered in an array of colors that depict filth you start to believe that spring is approaching. This morning was that morning for me! A breathe of fresh air, abundant sunshine, and the lurking promise of a new chapter. 

After the dark, cold and often harsh realities of winter there is nothing better than an impending warm up. A reawakening of the soul. A new vision for the future and a tearing away of the relentlessly mundane winter season. With any new chapter hope is abundant and I cling to it so that I can drive out the fear that tends to come right beside. This spring not only are we embarking on a new chapter but awaiting the introduction of a new character. 

Although too many times we hear "you're  pros by now" there is a mystique to the birthing process. One thing I know for sure, no two kids have come out even remotely the same. That's the beauty! Within the first moments of life one's personality begins to emerge and the rest of life character is formed. As we eagerly anticipate the final member of our basketball team I'm filled with hope for the new beginning, the blessing of fatherhood and the hope of ending up outside a retirement home (😜). 

This was that morning when I realized and accepted that the times they are changing. There's only so much I can do prepare so I'll hope that who I currently am is sufficient and trust that there are bigger things at work. It's the dawn of a new chapter and I'm excited to pen the pages. 

Hoping to see through the window pane

Kids say and do the darnedest things and their impact on our lives is remarkable. I've had no greater perspective than that which comes new each morning since Lyvi Lou (and then rest of the crew) made her triumphant appearance. The joy, the laughter, the hard work, the choice to put my needs after others, the real struggle, the truest love, the very best memories. Having walked with my father for years I was completely shocked and overjoyed to realize the love he had for me. A love that I couldn't fully grasp until I had the same for my own children. How much greater the grace he gives became evident to me. In the littlest of moments and in all the ways I continue to be forgiven I'm overwhelmed by the generosity. His great ability to see the finished component, the true potential, above all the muck and mud that occur day in and day out. 

On Wednesdays the brood heads over to our local church and attend AWANA while we have a chance to spend time with other parents who are also on the greatest adventure of all! In these moments in reminded of the responsibility to love our kids endlessly, to pursue true relationship, to serve them and hope they choose to serve others, to forgive, to fight, to resolve and restore, to define true success...

Our culture doesn't want the same things we want for our kids. Interest is divided and success is measured by status, wealth, academics, and popularity. To this point I have to admit I often define my own worth according to the same guidelines. The comparison, competition and need for control leave me tired. Hoping and longing for my children to have a different definition, one that brings life and love in the fullest way possible. And processing this desire I can't help but think I have the privilege to influence their definition. The opportunity to model true success and define a legacy. 

In our discussion last night a comment was made that we all create a legacy but some last and others die alongside the owner. It's a sobering reality. So what do we want to be known for? How do we define success? What can we start doing right now that will impact our vision?

In the end I want my kids to tell stories of our lives together. Of the most real moments, the honest victories, the true realities. Of fun, abundant laughter, peace in the face of pain, dependence on the Father. Of love that overcame and joy that welled up inside. I want my kids to say I was authentic, honest and willing to get my hands dirty. It's a grand vision which requires strength I often don't feel ready to muster but I'm dedicated to it. I was recently asked "when you look out are you looking into a mirror or through a window pane". I want to look out the window, I want to see the needs of others before my own. I want to show up ready to help and willing to live out true love. I want my kids to make the same decision in their own lives and recognize the true greatness we were created for, the story of full restoration that we've been invited to scribble a few pages in. I want to live a genuine life. 

Post explosion lull

Saturday morning I woke up early and jetted off to Manhattan for work. Having just been in August my mind was racing with all of the places I wanted to see and enjoy again. Ever since my first visit I've been captivated by the culture, the concrete, and the pulse. There isn't another city like it in the world! 

While attending a conference for work I found every possible free moment to galavant through my favorite Manhattan neighborhoods! Wading through garbage doesn't faze me there because I'm so enamored by the scale and complexity. Needless to say in four days I came and saw and conquered. 

I landed back in Chicago late Tuesday night and my incredible wife was waiting up to hear all about my trip (and I was anxious to hear the million ways she and the kids survived in my absence). Each of the kiddos were nestled in their beds so I made the round trip from cheek to cheek squeezing them while they slept. Their value far outweighed my few days of freedom. I had the privilege to head into the office late yesterday so I was able to spend more time squeezing and dropping off and playing before venturing back into the standard routine. 

Upon hitting the streets it was a sobering reminder of how quiet Chicago is relative to New York. The scale of each city completely unrelatable. A block with only one other person or a street without constant honking and yellow cabs. There is a lull that follows the explosion that is Manhattan. 

Despite the dramatic landscape change and my constant desire for concrete and tall buildings that go on forever I was glad to be at home. To see my wife, to listen to stories from my kids and share laughter over the little things. There are no more precious moments in life than these. 

Celebrate Good Times! Come on!

Holy smokes! Who knew a week could vanish as quickly as this week seemingly is? It's the mother load of celebrations this week in our house with one birthday after the next. I've replaced Sun through Sat with the following names this week; Alyvia's birthday - Break - Anderson's birthday - Break - Jesus birthday - Break - Thiele's birthday. Needless to say I am flat broke and next week will retreat into a hole for rest. 

While it has been "full", to say the least, it has also been extraordinary. Birthdays are a wonderful time to recount all the things that make those people in your life so great. A time to tell them all the ways your encouraged by the way they do life and excited for the future (also a time to eat entirely too many desserts). 

Kicking off the week with our first born beauty was spectacular. Her heart is so gentle and wise for an 8 yr old! She takes time to remember the most important things and always values quality time over anything else! 

Then our second born's celebration kicked off, complete with an extended family Christmas! His heart is wild and adventurous. He loves to build incredible towers then take them captive then destroy them. The art of creating and then reimagining and creating again. His mind is so mechanical. Without any directions he assembles almost anythings. He is a blessing for sure. 

And then the big one! Christmas Day and another wonderful birthday to celebrate. It's ine of my favorites because we all have a reason to super celebrate. We always wake up and get into our ridiculous pajamas while I read the story of Mary & Joseph and the wise men. The kids love to recall how God came and fought for our hearts and lives. They're so intent every year, each ear peeked and listening. From that point forward we do very little other than enjoy what we believe God intended us to! Family and laughing and sugar snacking!

Now we're on a break day but tomorrow holds another extraordinary reason to celebrate. Her name is Thiele and she is consistently Mother of the year (sorry other mothers). I've never seen a woman who could love so many kids so well. She often reminds me of my grandma because she is so patient and gentle in her approach. Beyond her ability to lead the kids well she is an incredible friend. She listens better than most and mostly because she actually listens (something in trying but failing miserably at). 

This week is always a whirlwind that moves at warp speed. It's also an incredible reminder of the many blessings I have in my life each and every day. I'm so thankful for my family and our crazy loud house. It's the little moments of insanity each day that bring the greatest aha moments. Wishing everyone a relaxing end to this year and refreshing start to the next. 

The moments in between

Despite having woke more than a couple times throughout the night (Azariah is preparing us for the newborn stage) I woke up feeling immensely grateful. Also sleep deprived but mostly grateful. Our weekend wasn't too far out of the ordinary yet it felt extraordinary. 

Saturday morning Anderson woke to streamers, balloons, and an impending surprise party. While he excitedly guessed who was coming and what kind of cake, Thiele and I did the adult thing. We ran like chickens with our heads cut off, scrambling to finish everything by 11am and to hide the never ending mess (next year an afternoon party). As the friends arrived one by one the house became increasingly boisterous! We hadn't hosted a large group of Anderson's friends before only Alyvia's. The difference was noticed immediately and even now there is a ringing in my ears. From the chanting of "pizza...pizza...pizza" to the bean bag fights and tumbling towers, life (and noise) was everywhere. The wild hearts of so many boys pushing the limits without fear and without regard for gravity. I was so impressed by their sense of adventure and the creativity of their young minds. It awoke a desire for adventure in my own soul. 

After the party we did what every respectful mom and dad should. We left all the mess and climbed into bed to watch Star Wars (on a 13" TV/VCR combo). It was a rite of passage for the older kids and for me a nostalgic ride down memory lane. For Anderson it was the perfect continuation of an already memorable day. 

Kids teach so much more than they are taught. Their wild sense of adventure, ability to create in an instant and vocalize the things they love are beautiful to encounter. Hearts so full of life and able to decipher things of value. Another milestone achieved in our household, the first all boy kindergarten party, and a reminder to be purposeful in the adventure we're living day in and day out. Don't take the little things for granted because more times than not the little things sustain your soul and give life to continue in the moment.  

Larger than life

For all the kids we decorate a birthday chair with balloons and celebrate first thing in the morning. This morning our youngest (I'm not counting belly yet!) entered the great and marvelous age of two. Unlike any of the Generous kids before him he has taken an obsession with Elmo. Good or bad it is his passion for the moment so tied to his breakfast chair was a giant Elmo balloon. "Melmo" he screamed with excitement this morning when I brought him upstairs. As soon as he could reach the balloon he began exuberantly swatting his dear friend (we'll coach him on proper treatment of friends later). 

Watching him light up with excitement over something so simple was a great way to start the day. Too often in my own life I don't even notice the little things that offer a smile or a memory. Driven to get things done and pressed by the cultural norms of our society I overlook the numerous joys right in front of me (back to the birthday boy). 

Azariah is our Georgia peach. Two years ago Thiele and I were saddled up in an ATL hospital watching desperate housewives of Atlanta (her choice). A new state and a new son. He came out larger than life (no seriously he was almost 10lbs)! If you have kids you know the moment I'm describing. It's a feeling that cannot be explained; excitement, awe, adoration. Now after two years of real life I'm reminded how many times we're offered the same moments. The first coo, the first poo, the first laugh and the first word. In each of these experiences if we're paying attention we have the opportunity to experience so much joy. I'm so thankful for how Azariah and my other kids keep teaching me these life lessons. Gems of hope and purpose. My kids inspire me each day and this morning I'm reminded of the their influence in my day to day. 

The time warp

It seems everyone tells you but you don't believe them. "Enjoy it now because you'll wake up one day years from now longing for it"! While growing up, time often feels at a stand still. Did high school not seem like the longest four years of your life? Yet as soon as you step foot out of your parents house time passes in a different manner. Life revs up and the moments move faster than we can understand. 

This morning on my daughters 4th birthday I am again sobered by the time warp that is life after high school. It seems like only yesterday Thiele and I stayed up all night to deliver her (alright that part was Thiele) then found ourselves up every twenty minutes the next night with our newbie. Since she was our third we were petrified by her sleep schedule since none of our other kids had been quite so cruel to wake that often. It was at this moment we knew she was sassy.  

Now looking back over what seems like only days there is a spunky little four year old leaping around my house. So many memories and moments, good and bad, that I know it can't have happened in only a matter of days yet I feel that must be true. All I hear ringing in my ears is "Enjoy it now because you'll wake up one day years from now longing for it"...

Today we celebrate the life of our middle child. Her laughter, her smile, her infectious personality and even the countless tales of her mischief. She has delighted us with stories we can tell her kids and their kids if we're lucky! She is both incredibly sassy and incredibly kind. In only four years she has left such a mark on us and helped to shape everyone in our household. 

The momentous events such as birthdays remind me of how great a time warp were doing life in. How one minute you're wondering how you'll function with three kids and no sleep and the next your eating Angeline Ballerina pancakes with a four year old. Life is a beautiful thing, the truest gift. I hope we take those sage words when they're offered and enjoy each fleeting moment because soon enough we'll be rocking on the front porch reminiscing (and definitely laughing) over all the time and memories that have passed. 

Happy Birthday Amelia!