Wednesday, May 4, 2016

The pages tell a story

Last week business carried me away to the desert and I spent three days in Phoenix. My first ever experience in any desert area was last June and it was 112 (dry heat or not that is stifling). Between the oppressive heat and almost total lack of anything green I wrote it quickly off my list of places to visit. Now, less than a year later I've been there in every season and had the opportunity to experience neighborhoods, mountains, and so much food. I've come to the realization that, like everywhere else, there are trade offs to doing life there. I've also come to the conclusion that it's kind of awesome there (kind of). 

Whenever I visit I try to stay close to Tempe/Scottsdale so I can catch up with my cousin who lives there. This trip I stayed at The Moxy and man does it make me feel old as dirt. Check-in happens at a bar, there are always club beats blasting in the lobby and nostalgic games/paraphernalia scattered in every nook and cranny. As I sat in my obnoxiously millennial hotel room last week I filled the last page of my journal. It felt incredibly sobering to pen the last page of a small notebook that carries years of life stories. Especially because it holds immense gaps where I found myself wandering in and out of complacency. I began writing in that journal in 2011 and the worst part is that from 2012-2015 there is almost no content. A startling picture of other facets of my life. 


The years of internal wrestling and the devastation of personal relationships left me guarded and inhibited in my approach to life. I wasn't taking advantage of life but instead letting it pass by. So as I penned the final page in a five year recording of life events, desires, and struggles I felt an incredible sense of motivation. The future awaits. 

After almost a year back in Atlanta I'm finding myself healthier than I've been in years (not necessarily physically, lol). I feel like I'm walking out of a deep slumber with so much promise on the horizon. He has called me out and brought me up. Reminding me of all the ways he never stopped pursuing my heart and in fact was developing a true dependence on him. His love has been the greatest gift and is shaping my perspective to everyday life. It's a moment by moment adventure and I'm often sidetracked and inconsistent but the adventure carries on. I feel alive and I'm starting a new series of  memories I'll someday look back on. I'm trying to live fully alive and he is guiding me along the way. This morning the first page of a new chapter was recorded 🖊