2nd Day Struggle

Yesterday began a running adventure with my good friend. As the onset of old age seeks to cripple our natural abilities we thought it best to prioritize our health and beginning running four times a week. To protect our family responsibilities we've decided on 5:30am. If you haven't been up at that hour in a while I assure you it looks like 12am or 3am and by that I mean it is pitch black. Yesterday my first comment was "do the street lights look brighter than usual"?

And so we were off and it was incredible. We ventured to the lake and marveled at the way the darkness became greater over the abyss. The stark contrast between true darkness and "darkness" that exists in a city of 3 million people and countless lights. As with many new beginnings the run was joyful. It brought a sense of hope and a feeling of possibility. We can defy old age I thought to myself. 

Flash forward to 5:28am this morning when my alarm went off (notice I won't give up more sleep than absolutely necessary) and it felt like someone was lying on top of me. The weight of exhaustion or transition resting hard upon my physical body. The thoughts start churning; maybe we can meet tomorrow, what excuse can I give, do I even care if my body depletes? And so seeming like a punishment I find the strength to lift myself out of bed. I contemplated simply going in my pajamas to lessen the required effort but decided I didn't want to harm any of my neighbors who may catch a glimpse (always thoughtful). 

All in all the run was a success. As in I completed it and am alive to tell this tale. My pace wasn't even remotely close to day one but I did finish. While I now feel refreshed and rejuvenated, I woke without any desire to move let alone run. What happened to my passion for defying old age? Where did my perseverance run away to? Questions like these make me wonder why is the second day always a struggle? Or is it just me?

What day is it?

Is it really only Thursday? When the days are so full of life it can be hard to keep track of time. On one hand it feels like it's moving at a pace I can't keep up but on the other I find myself thinking "is it really only Thursday?" 

Monday was one of those days where my eyelids seemed as though they'd gained thirty pounds each (thank God that didn't actually happen). Between waking up with the oldest at 4am and having been up a few times before with some of the other kids, I was struggling to not pass out a my desk. I can hear the water cooler gossip now "have you walked through engagement services? Jonathan is drooling on his computer". While it was a temping choice I powered through the day and like a senior citizen was in bed promptly at 9pm. 

Prior to bed we received a call from our family doctor. Alyvia's initial results came back abnormal with evidence that she is having absence seizures. While it definitely sounds frightening God has really Thiele and I peace. These type of seizures are almost always outgrown and short lived. Typically lasting between 10-30 seconds but capable of happening between 50-100 times a day. Thankfully it doesn't appear that Alyvia is having them frequently. All in all this news was welcome news. The peace that came with it helped me not only get into bed at 9pm but also fall quickly asleep. 

Tuesday came faster than expected as my youngest child decided 5am was rise and shine time. Where do they get their energy? I can drink three cups of coffee and go to bed three minutes later. Any secrets to stay awake (must be legal)? Otherwise a more typical day and thankfully my eyelids lost 15 pounds  each! The evening was a warp speed segment thanks to my packing procrastination. Quickly throwing things in a suitcase and laying out a suit for a 6am flight. Suddenly the realization (and panic) that I had to up and on my way in less than six hours. 

Thankfully my anxiety prepped me to set multiple alarms because I missed the first (sorry to wake you Thiele). Too many people believe business travel is glamorous but I assure you it is more exhausting than glamorous. Get up early, catch a flight, meeting 1, meeting 2, client lunch, meeting 3, meeting 4, client dinner, hotel check in! 17 hours later there are no thoughts just psychosis. 

So this morning I took a break because sleep deprivation my friends is real. It was a beautiful morning to run through NashVegas and soak up the historical sites. A moment to let my mind absorb the healing and resting effects of fresh air. It has been a week to remember and I checked my to phone to confirm it is only Thursday...

Flying high

The anticipation of an early morning flight is less than exhilarating. The panic of knowing you have a hard deadline at 6am often causes unnecessary anxiety. After arriving safely (and on time) to my flight there's the thrill of takeoff. Even though I fly about every other week I still get excited to look out the window. The change of perspective is a welcome one. 

Taking off in the deepest darkness to burst through the layer of clouds reveals the stark contrast of sun shade orange and red. It's a moment you realize how small you are and how big your creator is. The details are so numerous my senses are overwhelmed. And I long for these moments. Moments of clarity and calm. On this morning in particular I'm reminded of Gods consistency and his grandeur. 

Flight for me is one of the many places my father speaks to me. He reveals his majesty to me and speaks to longing of my heart. I am so thankful for his companionship. 

A parenting first...

My oldest daughter came barreling into our lives almost eight years ago. Long before I had even a little no how on the best ways to bring up a child (which had become my biggest role). Throughout the journey Thiele and I have loved so deeply we didn't know it was possible. We've since had three other rugrats and countless nights without much sleep. Did I mention number five is on the way?

Every single day, or even hour, provides countless learning opportunities as little people have a knack for teaching. It's not a traditional classroom by any means but their unique dependence on you requires character traits that must be cultivated. So now after years of raising these beautiful, unique and completely individual personalities I'm struck by another parenting first, the first neurological test. 

As it sounds, this was definitely not a test I anticipated and I really was hoping this wouldn't be the type of parenting first I had to walk through. So many of the parenting firsts are so thrilling; the first step, first word, first time they poop through their clothes in public or on a relative, etc. This definitely does not have the same feeling. With this first my heart is heavy though I know God is already at work. 

A couple months back we started noticing that Alyvia would sometimes zone out for thirty seconds or so then after saying her name three times (think Dorothy's ruby red slippers) come back with "What?". To be honest I thought we had entered a different parenting first, the "I'm done listening to my parents and have my own timetable for conversation" first. Initially we shrugged it off as that but shared it through conversation and when we did family began to agree that she did sometimes seemingly drift away then return. We made an initial appt with our family physician who said it is likely nothing but recommended we see a neurologist. A who? 

This was not a parenting first I wanted to enjoy. Especially since they're making us keep her up until midnight then wake her at four in the morning. So here I sit at 4:44am watching my first born struggle to stay awake as we anticipate a neuro test later this morning. While it is very possible there is nothing to fear I can't help but stare at her fondly wondering what the result will be. Remembering when I first saw her sweet face and understood at a deeper level for the first time how much love the father has for us. Thanking him for what a wonderful family he has brought together and the vivid colorful story is writing at this very moment. 

Enough for now! I want to make more memories so we're off for breakfast at some hole in the wall diner!